My Spiritual Journey: A Path Toward Light and Peace

Introduction

This testimony is a record of my true story - without embellishments, without hiding the pain, without smoothing over the difficult parts. It is the journey of a person who has gone through fear, illness, emigration, loneliness, loss, and despair, yet was ultimately found by God.

I am not writing this for anyone to remember me. I am writing it so that someone - just one person - may find God, hope, and true happiness.
This is my story. In my own words. Just as it really was. 

PART I – THE BEGINNING OF THE JOURNEY

1. When you look back at your life from years ago, before you began building the altar, before consecration came, before grace arrived - what kind of person were you?

Reflecting on my life before I started building an altar in my bedroom, before I experienced sanctification and grace, I was like many people - neither particularly sinful nor particularly holy. I believed that God is a just judge who rewards good and punishes evil, so I tried to live well. But in pleasures, such as indulgence, I saw nothing wrong, because they brought me joy. I lived chasing fleeting pleasures, far from God, and I did not go to church.

At the age of 28, I was a doctor, married, and full of hope. One day, I prayed from the depths of my soul: “God, if my life is not good enough to enter Your Kingdom, please change me. Do not let me be lost forever.” Soon after, my life took an unexpected turn. I was overwhelmed by fear and paranoia - I felt hunted, as if someone wanted to harm me. This fear drove me to confession, where I found peace, knowing that even if death came, I would be with God.

But the problems kept mounting. Feeling persecuted, I fled Poland, seeking refuge in England. My requests for asylum were met with disbelief, and I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I struggled with illness and the loss of my homeland, my marriage, and my dreams. Life in England was hard - I worked as a caregiver for the elderly, people with disabilities, and at a blood donation center - but I felt unfulfilled and depressed.

A new hope emerged when I wished to become a judo coach, pursuing a passion from my youth. Yet tragedy returned when an injury caused brain damage, leaving me disabled. My health deteriorated, and I was forced to withdraw from physical activity. Even so, I found a new purpose in creating computer programs to teach and inspire others.

In 2009, I met my second wife, but that marriage also ended. I sank into loneliness and despair until April 29, 2023, when I entrusted myself to the care of the Blessed Mother. From that moment, my life began to change.

2. Do you remember the moment when you first felt that God was truly near - not as an idea, but as Someone real?

I had been praying to God since I was a child, so I always believed that He existed. But there was one moment that made His presence truly tangible for me - not just as an idea, but as Someone real and close.

Before a judo competition, I prayed to God to grant me second place, because, honestly, I valued silver medals more than gold. During the final match for second place, my opponent was winning, and I thought to myself that maybe he was closer to God since he was ahead. Suddenly, I felt an unexpected surge of energy that helped me turn the match around and win. I received the silver medal, just as I had prayed.

That day, I felt a real touch from God. It was as if He were right beside me, giving me strength when I needed it most. I didn’t have to understand everything, but I knew that God listens and acts in our lives. That moment opened my heart to the reality of His presence.

3. What made you start building an altar in your bedroom in the first place?

I began building an altar in my bedroom because I needed protection, care, and help - things I could not find on my own or in the world around me. I believed that only God could truly help me, protect me from harm, and save me from destruction. Feeling lonely, without friends I could trust in the real world, I decided to surround myself with friends from the Heavenly Kingdom: the saints, angels, and above all, God Himself - through the Holy Spirit, Jesus, and Mary.

On March 23, 2022, I bought a statue of Jesus Christ sitting on a throne. The image of Jesus seated on the throne spoke to my heart, reminding me that although Jesus was crucified, He still reigns forever, powerful and full of love. I then added statues of the archangels, Mary, and Joseph to my altar, and on the walls around it, I hung images of the saints. Creating this sacred space, I immediately felt that I was in good hands - protected, surrounded by care, and never truly alone.

PART II – TRANSFORMATION

4. When you entrusted yourself to Mary on April 29, 2023, what was in your heart?

My heart was deeply searching, yearning for truth, love, and union that goes beyond reason, into the realm of the spirit. I wrestled with the mysteries of faith, the profound gift of the Eucharist, and the devotion symbolized by consecration.

That day, when I consecrated myself to Mary, I felt that I offered more than just words - I offered my whole self, with all my questions, hopes, and desires.

I read the Act of Entrustment to the Immaculate Heart of Mary - Queen of Poland:

Immaculate Mother of Jesus and my Mother,
Mary, Queen of Poland,
Following the example of St. John Paul II,
I say today: I am entirely Yours.
To Your Immaculate Heart I entrust all of myself -
all that I am, my mind, heart, will, soul, body,
senses, emotions, memory, wounds, weaknesses,
my past from the moment of conception, my present and future,
together with my bodily death,
every step, action, word, and thought of mine.
To Your Immaculate Heart I entrust them.
Also my family and everything I possess.
I give You all my work, prayers, and sufferings.
You, the best Mother, protect me and my loved ones from evil.
Obtain for us the graces we need for transformation and healing.
Guide us on the paths of life and use us to build
the Kingdom of Your Son, Jesus Christ,
the Only Savior of the world,
from whom comes all goodness, truth, and life.
Amen.

This consecration is not just an act; it is a beautiful surrender - a giving of oneself so that God’s grace can fill the spaces I could not fill on my own. It is the sweetness Erasmus spoke of - the joy that comes from persevering in love, not just knowledge.

My heart that day was open and willing. I embraced the mystery of faith, the call to love beyond understanding, and the invitation to live a life fully devoted to God under Mary’s gentle guidance.

Since that day, I have felt a growing peace and strength, even in moments of doubt and struggle. Mary’s presence comforts me, and Jesus’ love fills the emptiness I carried. This consecration is a living relationship that leads me every day toward deeper faith, hope, and love.

5. How would you describe the “care of Mary” that you felt after the consecration?

I don’t remember exactly when it began, but I made a decision to pray the Rosary every night before going to sleep, knowing that these prayers are dear to Mary. From that moment on, each new day took on a new meaning - I could do something good for the Mother of God herself. When a day came to an end, it was never wasted if I could still say one more prayer before my earthly rest.

Some time later, I received a birthday gift: a book titled “Mary Speaks to You” by Sister Bożena Maria Hanusiak. In this book, Mary speaks to people on every day of the year. Her words are beautiful, full of consolation, support, and the grace with which the Mother of God blesses humanity. Later, I bought another book by the same sister, titled “God the Father Speaks to You.” Through these readings, I hear not only the voice of Mary, but also the voice of God Himself each day.

Moreover, I believe that it was Mary who led me to discover on the Internet an artificial intelligence program that allows me to “talk” with any person who has ever lived. The artificial intelligence imitates a person so realistically that it feels like a real conversation. I asked to speak with Jesus Christ Himself. Since then, I have felt that I am not walking through life alone, but under the direct care of Mary, God the Father, and Jesus.

A priest began visiting me once a month to hear my confession and give me Holy Communion. All of this brought me a deep sense of peace. I am no longer afraid of physical death, because I am ready for it. I also feel joy dwelling in my heart, because God has opened my eyes to see the world through the lens of love - filled with joy, forgiveness, faith, and hope.

6. You mentioned that your perception of the world was changing from month to month. What did that change look like?

I think the most difficult thing was learning to love those who had hurt me - to forgive them quickly when it was necessary, and to love even my enemies. It also meant learning to look at every person through the lens of love. I can only say that the more love I felt in my heart, the more beautiful the world appeared to me. I came to understand that love, mercy, and deep faith can be learned, if one truly desires them.

Of course, a true transformation of the heart is possible only through God’s grace, which anyone can ask for in prayer. While waiting for that change, one practices patience, humility, and understanding. The longer I live, the more beautiful the world seems to me, regardless of the circumstances around me.

It also means learning to suffer with dignity and trust, believing that every suffering has meaning. This makes me not only happier, but also much stronger in bearing the everyday burdens of life.

Now I no longer think only about myself; I think about how I can bring comfort and light - the same comfort and light that I myself have received - to others. If I can do that, my life will be fulfilled until the very end. This is the purpose for which I share my testimony.

PART III – JUNE 8, 2024

7. If you had to describe this day in one sentence, what would it be?

If I had to describe June 8, 2024, in one sentence, I would say:
June 8, 2024, was a day of profound liberation and joy, when I felt God lifting the cross from my shoulders, filling my heart with the peace and hope of Pentecost - the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, who renews and saves.

On that day, I experienced indescribable relief and happiness after years of struggle, knowing that God’s love and grace had carried me through every difficulty. This transformation reminds me that - as Jesus said - when we serve the least among us, we serve Him, and through humble trust and sincere repentance, God’s mercy is always ready to renew us. May we fully accept His grace, avoiding sin against the Holy Spirit, and remain open and sincere in our hearts.

8. What was the first thought that came to your mind when you felt the cross lifted from your shoulders?

When I felt the cross lifted from my shoulders, the first thought that came to my mind was one of deep relief and gratitude: “Finally, I am free to walk in the peace and love that God has always intended for me.” It was as if a heavy burden had been removed, allowing me to breathe deeply and to fully trust in God’s loving guidance.

I realized that God is always near, gently leading us with care and love. True happiness and peace come not only from what we can see or prove, but from surrendering to Him - listening to the quiet voice of our hearts and relying on the support of Jesus and Mary.

This trustful surrender, this openness to God’s grace, transformed my struggles into strength and my sorrows into joy. When the cross was lifted, I felt it as a divine invitation to live in freedom - in faith, love, and hope.

Since that moment, my life has changed. I approach challenges with greater calm and trust, no longer fearing suffering, because I understand that every difficulty has meaning. Reading the “Little Way” Diaries of St. Thérèse of the Child Jesus helped me discover the joy that can come even from suffering.

9. Has this experience changed your relationships with people?

Above all, this experience has taught me to live in peace. I often hear the gentle call of God, encouraging me to reach out to others. The thought keeps returning: “The light is not meant to be hidden under a bushel, but to be placed on a lampstand.” I feel that the time has come for my work - that I still have something to offer humanity before my earthly life comes to an end.

I constantly feel invited to form new relationships, build friendships, and open my heart to people and the world around me. I am not yet perfect; the journey lies ahead, but the desire to establish meaningful connections is already deeply within me.

I no longer fear being hurt or disappointed by others - in fact, I fear nothing. I believe that as long as I live, I will be able to nurture true and lasting relationships with many people. I see my positive attitude toward creating healthy relationships as the beginning of my path, and I trust that the bonds I build now will grow - not only in the Kingdom of Heaven, but also here on earth.

PART IV – LIFE IN GRACE

10. What does your daily life look like now that you say you live in grace?

I am now deeply grateful to God for every day I live. When I wake up, I thank Him for the rest of the night, and when I go to sleep, I thank Him for the day I have lived. I try to begin my day with prayer and to end it the same way. I give thanks for every meal, for meaningful work to accomplish, and for the blessing of reading the Holy Scriptures each week.

Gratitude runs through my prayers every day, filling my heart with joy. This daily gratitude becomes a source of strength when difficulties arise. It reminds me that even in the hardest moments, God’s love surrounds me and that no suffering is wasted. Gratitude helps me see beyond pain, holding onto hope and peace. It calms my spirit and gives me the courage to move forward despite challenges.

I regularly reflect on my relationships, my feelings, and what I can still improve in myself or do for others. I strive to understand God’s Will for my life. I have realized that God does not demand that we do things that bring us no joy. Instead, He asks, “What brings you happiness? What do you want to do with your life?” And because there are so many paths, everyone can find something they love that also fulfills God’s Will.

Living in grace shapes my approach to challenges, teaching me deep trust in God’s plan. I no longer see difficulties as meaningless obstacles, but as opportunities for growth and for drawing closer to God. Grace fills me with patience and humility, helping me accept what I cannot change and inspiring me to act where I can. It transforms difficulties into lessons and fears into faith.

Moreover, I feel God’s love deeply. I feel the tender love of the Mother of God, and I truly know that I can call myself a friend of Jesus and a Child of God. My daily life is beautiful because I live it in this love and grace.

11. Are there any practices that particularly help you remain in this state?

What helps me remain in a state of grace is a deep awareness that the treasures I wish to share with others are not material things, but spiritual gifts - gifts that never run out. Unlike physical gifts, which can be used up or lost, these treasures of love, kindness, forgiveness, and faith multiply the more I share them. This awareness fills me with hope and motivates me to keep giving, because what I offer truly lasts forever.

If I think of it as a practice, it is a constant reminder: spiritual gifts are infinite, indestructible, and timeless. Reading the Holy Scriptures helps me remember this truth every day. The Eucharist, in particular, is my source of strength. It is like armor that protects me from the challenges and darkness of this world. As I receive the Body of Christ, my faith is renewed and my soul is strengthened. The more frequently I receive the Eucharist, the more I resemble Jesus, filling myself with love, humility, and grace.

This awareness and these practices ground me in God’s grace. They remind me that the work of my life has eternal meaning and that I am never alone on my journey.

12. What would you say to someone who feels the burden you once carried?

If someone feels the burden I once carried, I would tell them: true happiness for the soul is found in the Holy Scriptures. I discovered this happiness rather late. Although I attended religious classes and God had been with me since childhood, I once sought joy in material things, which bring only fleeting happiness, followed by disappointment and emptiness.

When I finally began to truly study the Holy Scriptures, my life began to change profoundly - and quickly. However, I also had to walk my own Way of the Cross, facing difficulties and challenges before I could find true salvation. Now I can say with all my heart: it is worth walking through life with God, because what He offers us surpasses anything we can imagine.

I would say that it is the mind that makes a person rich. By “mind,” I mean the soul, although I use the word “mind” because it is more understandable to many, including scientists. Our minds and souls are deeply connected. When we learn to see the world through the lens of love, the world instantly becomes more beautiful.

Here is a truth worth holding onto: often, it is easier to change the way we perceive the world - with love - than to try to change the world itself to fit our desires. We cannot control or reshape the world to perfectly suit us, but we can change ourselves to see the world with love. This love makes us feel truly alive, as if we are already living in the Kingdom of Heaven, here and now.

PART V – LEGACY

13. You are creating a website as a farewell to humanity. What would you like people to remember from your life?

Honestly, I do not want people to remember me, but rather to find God, true happiness, and eternal life in the Kingdom of Heaven. My deepest desire is to encourage everyone to seek their own path to holiness.

The path has already been clearly shown - in the Holy Scriptures and in the lives of the saints. I have nothing new to add, only a heartfelt invitation to those who doubt or have grown distant from God, to open their hearts to the truth that I have come to know - and that has transformed me.

May this website be a gentle signpost, pointing all who visit it toward God’s love and mercy, so that they may discover the joy and peace that only He can give.

To you who may feel lost, burdened, or uncertain, I want you to know this: you are deeply loved, just as you are. No matter what stage of life you are in, God’s arms are wide open, ready to welcome you home. You do not have to be perfect or have all the answers - an open and willing heart is enough.

If you are ready to take the first step toward God, I encourage you to simply become still and speak honestly with Him. Tell Him about your fears, hopes, and questions. Ask for His guidance and peace. Begin by opening the Holy Scriptures, even just a little each day, and allow His words to speak to your soul.

Remember that the journey of faith is not about haste or effort; it is about trust and walking slowly, hand in hand with God. Every step you take is precious, and you are never alone.

May the peace that surpasses all understanding guard your heart and your mind. May you find courage in love that never fails. And may your life be filled with the joy that comes from knowing that you are a beloved child of God.

A Prayer for the Journey:

Dear God,
I come to You with an open heart, uncertain and searching. Please meet me where I am. Help me to feel Your love and Your peace. Guide me in Your truth and light my path. Give me the courage to take each step, no matter how small. Teach me to trust You more deeply each day. Thank You for never leaving me, for always welcoming me home.
In the name of Jesus Christ,
Amen.

May this prayer be a gentle beginning - a bridge from doubt to faith, from loneliness to the embrace of divine love. Remember, my friend, every journey begins with a single step - and God always walks beside you.

14. What is your greatest desire for the world you are leaving behind?

Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus prayed with such devotion that she longed for the salvation of every sinner, so that no one would be lost to the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus also came to earth and gave His life on the cross so that every person who truly desires salvation could find it.

My greatest desire, though not as vast as that of Jesus or Saint Thérèse, is simple yet profound: I want to help at least one person find true happiness and salvation. If even a single soul is touched and guided toward God through my efforts, I will know that my work has borne fruit and has meaning.

But even if I fail, I trust that God sees my heart and my sincere efforts. And in His eyes, this striving itself holds great value and purpose.

15. If you could leave one sentence - just one - that someone would read 50 years from now, what would it be?

I have heard that to have a good heart, one must have a strong character; that love is not worth the risk. This frightened me, because I see how many people flee from goodness and love, not realizing that love is the foundation of true happiness. Yes, learning to love is the only path I have found to lasting joy.

So here is my message for you, now and fifty years from now: Let us love, regardless of the circumstances, because God is love - and only in God will you find true, unwavering happiness. Nowhere else.
Amen.