The NELLIE, a cruising
yawl, swung to her anchor without a flutter of the sails, and was at rest. The
flood had made, the wind was nearly calm, and being bound down the river, the
only thing for it was to come to and wait for the turn of the tide.
The sea-reach of the
Thames stretched before us like the beginning of an interminable waterway. In
the offing the sea and the sky were welded together without a joint, and in the
luminous space the tanned sails of the barges drifting up with the tide seemed
to stand still in red clusters of canvas sharply peaked, with gleams of
varnished sprits. A haze rested on the low shores that ran out to sea in
vanishing flatness. The air was dark above Gravesend, and farther back still
seemed condensed into a mournful gloom, brooding motionless over the biggest,
and the greatest, town on earth.
The Director of
Companies was our captain and our host. We four affectionately watched his back
as he stood in the bows looking to seaward. On the whole river there was
nothing that looked half so nautical. He resembled a pilot, which to a seaman
is trustworthiness personified. It was difficult to realize his work was not
out there in the luminous estuary, but behind him, within the brooding gloom.
Between us there was,
as I have already said somewhere, the bond of the sea. Besides holding our
hearts together through long periods of separation, it had the effect of making
us tolerant of each other's yarns -- and even convictions. The Lawyer -- the
best of old fellows -- had, because of his many years and many virtues, the
only cushion on deck, and was lying on the only rug. The Accountant had brought
out already a box of dominoes, and was toying architecturally with the bones.
Marlow sat cross-legged right aft, leaning against the mizzen- mast. He had
sunken cheeks, a yellow complexion, a straight back, an ascetic aspect, and,
with his arms dropped, the palms of hands outwards, resembled an idol. The
director, satisfied the anchor had good hold, made his way aft and sat down
amongst us. We exchanged a few words lazily. Afterwards there was silence on
board the yacht. For some reason or other we did not begin that game of
dominoes. We felt meditative, and fit for nothing but placid staring. The day
was ending in a serenity of still and exquisite brilliance. The water shone
pacifically; the sky, without a speck, was a benign immensity of unstained
light; the very mist on the Essex marsh was like a gauzy and radiant fabric,
hung from the wooded rises inland, and draping the low shores in diaphanous
folds. Only the gloom to the west, brooding over the upper reaches, became more
sombre every minute, as if angered by the approach of the sun.
And at last, in its
curved and imperceptible fall, the sun sank low, and from glowing white changed
to a dull red without rays and without heat, as if about to go out suddenly,
stricken to death by the touch of that gloom brooding over a crowd of men.
Forthwith a change came
over the waters, and the serenity became less brilliant but more profound. The old
river in its broad reach rested unruffled at the decline of day, after ages of
good service done to the race that peopled its banks, spread out in the
tranquil dignity of a waterway leading to the uttermost ends of the earth. We
looked at the venerable stream not in the vivid flush of a short day that comes
and departs for ever, but in the august light of abiding memories. And indeed
nothing is easier for a man who has, as the phrase goes, "followed the
sea" with reverence and affection, that to evoke the great spirit of the
past upon the lower reaches of the Thames. The tidal current runs to and fro in
its unceasing service, crowded with memories of men and ships it had borne to
the rest of home or to the battles of the sea. It had known and served all the
men of whom the nation is proud, from Sir Francis Drake to Sir John Franklin,
knights all, titled and untitled -- the great knights-errant of the sea. It had
borne all the ships whose names are like jewels flashing in the night of time,
from the GOLDEN HIND returning with her rotund flanks full of treasure, to be
visited by the Queen's Highness and thus pass out of the gigantic tale, to the
EREBUS and TERROR, bound on other conquests -- and that never returned. It had
known the ships and the men. They had sailed from Deptford, from Greenwich,
from Erith -- the adventurers and the settlers; kings' ships and the ships of
men on 'Change; captains, admirals, the dark "interlopers" of the
Eastern trade, and the commissioned "generals" of East India fleets.
Hunters for gold or pursuers of fame, they all had gone out on that stream,
bearing the sword, and often the torch, messengers of the might within the
land, bearers of a spark from the sacred fire. What greatness had not floated
on the ebb of that river into the mystery of an unknown earth! . . . The dreams
of men, the seed of commonwealths, the germs of empires.
The sun set; the dusk
fell on the stream, and lights began to appear along the shore. The Chapman
light- house, a three-legged thing erect on a mud-flat, shone strongly. Lights
of ships moved in the fairway -- a great stir of lights going up and going
down. And farther west on the upper reaches the place of the monstrous town was
still marked ominously on the sky, a brooding gloom in sunshine, a lurid glare
under the stars.
"And this
also," said Marlow suddenly, "has been one of the dark places of the
earth."
He was the only man of
us who still "followed the sea." The worst that could be said of him
was that he did not represent his class. He was a seaman, but he was a
wanderer, too, while most seamen lead, if one may so express it, a sedentary
life. Their minds are of the stay-at- home order, and their home is always with
them -- the ship; and so is their country -- the sea. One ship is very much
like another, and the sea is always the same. In the immutability of their
surroundings the foreign shores, the foreign faces, the changing immensity of
life, glide past, veiled not by a sense of mystery but by a slightly disdainful
ignorance; for there is nothing mysterious to a seaman unless it be the sea
itself, which is the mistress of his existence and as inscrutable as Destiny.
For the rest, after his hours of work, a casual stroll or a casual spree on
shore suffices to unfold for him the secret of a whole continent, and generally
he finds the secret not worth knowing. The yarns of seamen have a direct
simplicity, the whole meaning of which lies within the shell of a cracked nut.
But Marlow was not typical (if his propensity to spin yarns be excepted), and
to him the meaning of an episode was not inside like a kernel but outside,
enveloping the tale which brought it out only as a glow brings out a haze, in
the likeness of one of these misty halos that sometimes are made visible by the
spectral illumination of moonshine.
His remark did not seem
at all surprising. It was just like Marlow. It was accepted in silence. No one
took the trouble to grunt even; and presently he said, very slow --
"I was thinking of
very old times, when the Romans first came here, nineteen hundred years ago --
the other day. . . . Light came out of this river since -- you say Knights?
Yes; but it is like a running blaze on a plain, like a flash of lightning in
the clouds. We live in the flicker -- may it last as long as the old earth
keeps rolling! But darkness was here yesterday. Imagine the feelings of a
commander of a fine -- what d'ye call 'em? -- trireme in the Mediterranean,
ordered suddenly to the north; run overland across the Gauls in a hurry; put in
charge of one of these craft the legionaries -- a wonderful lot of handy men
they must have been, too -- used to build, apparently by the hundred, in a
month or two, if we may believe what we read. Imagine him here -- the very end
of the world, a sea the colour of lead, a sky the colour of smoke, a kind of
ship about as rigid as a concertina -- and going up this river with stores, or
orders, or what you like. Sand-banks, marshes, forests, savages, -- precious
little to eat fit for a civilized man, nothing but Thames water to drink. No
Falernian wine here, no going ashore. Here and there a military camp lost in a
wilderness, like a needle in a bundle of hay -- cold, fog, tempests, disease,
exile, and death -- death skulking in the air, in the water, in the bush. They
must have been dying like flies here. Oh, yes -- he did it. Did it very well,
too, no doubt, and without thinking much about it either, except afterwards to
brag of what he had gone through in his time, perhaps. They were men enough to
face the darkness. And perhaps he was cheered by keeping his eye on a chance of
promotion to the fleet at Ravenna by and by, if he had good friends in Rome and
survived the awful climate. Or think of a decent young citizen in a toga --
perhaps too much dice, you know -- coming out here in the train of some
prefect, or tax- gatherer, or trader even, to mend his fortunes. Land in a
swamp, march through the woods, and in some inland post feel the savagery, the
utter savagery, had closed round him -- all that mysterious life of the wilderness
that stirs in the forest, in the jungles, in the hearts of wild men. There's no
initiation either into such mysteries. He has to live in the midst of the
incomprehensible, which is also detestable. And it has a fascination, too, that
goes to work upon him. The fascination of the abomination -- you know, imagine
the growing regrets, the longing to escape, the powerless disgust, the
surrender, the hate."
He paused.
"Mind," he
began again, lifting one arm from the elbow, the palm of the hand outwards, so
that, with his legs folded before him, he had the pose of a Buddha preaching in
European clothes and without a lotus-flower -- "Mind, none of us would
feel exactly like this. What saves us is efficiency -- the devotion to
efficiency. But these chaps were not much account, really. They were no
colonists; their administration was merely a squeeze, and nothing more, I
suspect. They were conquerors, and for that you want only brute force --
nothing to boast of, when you have it, since your strength is just an accident
arising from the weakness of others. They grabbed what they could get for the
sake of what was to be got. It was just robbery with violence, aggravated
murder on a great scale, and men going at it blind -- as is very proper for
those who tackle a darkness. The conquest of the earth, which mostly means the
taking it away from those who have a different complexion or slightly flatter
noses than ourselves, is not a pretty thing when you look into it too much.
What redeems it is the idea only. An idea at the back of it; not a sentimental
pretence but an idea; and an unselfish belief in the idea -- something you can
set up, and bow down before, and offer a sacrifice to. . . ."
He broke off. Flames
glided in the river, small green flames, red flames, white flames, pursuing,
overtaking, joining, crossing each other -- then separating slowly or hastily.
The traffic of the great city went on in the deepening night upon the sleepless
river. We looked on, waiting patiently -- there was nothing else to do till the
end of the flood; but it was only after a long silence, when he said, in a
hesitating voice, "I suppose you fellows remember I did once turn
fresh-water sailor for a bit," that we knew we were fated, before the ebb
began to run, to hear about one of Marlow's inconclusive experiences.
"I don't want to
bother you much with what happened to me personally," he began, showing in
this remark the weakness of many tellers of tales who seem so often unaware of
what their audience would like best to hear; "yet to understand the effect
of it on me you ought to know how I got out there, what I saw, how I went up
that river to the place where I first met the poor chap. It was the farthest
point of navigation and the culminating point of my experience. It seemed somehow
to throw a kind of light on everything about me -- and into my thoughts. It was
sombre enough, too -- and pitiful -- not extraordinary in any way -- not very
clear either. No, not very clear. And yet it seemed to throw a kind of light.
"I had then, as
you remember, just returned to London after a lot of Indian Ocean, Pacific,
China Seas -- a regular dose of the East -- six years or so, and I was loafing
about, hindering you fellows in your work and invading your homes, just as
though I had got a heavenly mission to civilize you. It was very fine for a
time, but after a bit I did get tired of resting. Then I began to look for a
ship -- I should think the hardest work on earth. But the ships wouldn't even
look at me. And I got tired of that game, too.
"Now when I was a
little chap I had a passion for maps. I would look for hours at South America,
or Africa, or Australia, and lose myself in all the glories of exploration. At
that time there were many blank spaces on the earth, and when I saw one that looked
particularly inviting on a map (but they all look that) I would put my finger
on it and say, 'When I grow up I will go there.' The North Pole was one of
these places, I remember. Well, I haven't been there yet, and shall not try
now. The glamour's off. Other places were scattered about the hemispheres. I
have been in some of them, and . . . well, we won't talk about that. But there
was one yet -- the biggest, the most blank, so to speak -- that I had a
hankering after.
"True, by this
time it was not a blank space any more. It had got filled since my boyhood with
rivers and lakes and names. It had ceased to be a blank space of delightful
mystery -- a white patch for a boy to dream gloriously over. It had become a
place of darkness. But there was in it one river especially, a mighty big
river, that you could see on the map, resembling an immense snake uncoiled,
with its head in the sea, its body at rest curving afar over a vast country,
and its tail lost in the depths of the land. And as I looked at the map of it
in a shop- window, it fascinated me as a snake would a bird -- a silly little
bird. Then I remembered there was a big concern, a Company for trade on that
river. Dash it all! I thought to myself, they can't trade without using some
kind of craft on that lot of fresh water -- steamboats! Why shouldn't I try to
get charge of one? I went on along Fleet Street, but could not shake off the
idea. The snake had charmed me.
"You understand it
was a Continental concern, that Trading society; but I have a lot of relations
living on the Continent, because it's cheap and not so nasty as it looks, they
say.
"I am sorry to own
I began to worry them. This was already a fresh departure for me. I was not
used to get things that way, you know. I always went my own road and on my own
legs where I had a mind to go. I wouldn't have believed it of myself; but, then
-- you see -- I felt somehow I must get there by hook or by crook. So I worried
them. The men said 'My dear fellow,' and did nothing. Then -- would you believe
it? -- I tried the women. I, Charlie Marlow, set the women to work -- to get a
job. Heavens! Well, you see, the notion drove me. I had an aunt, a dear
enthusiastic soul. She wrote: 'It will be delightful. I am ready to do
anything, anything for you. It is a glorious idea. I know the wife of a very
high personage in the Administration, and also a man who has lots of influence
with,' etc. She was determined to make no end of fuss to get me appointed
skipper of a river steamboat, if such was my fancy.
"I got my
appointment -- of course; and I got it very quick. It appears the Company had
received news that one of their captains had been killed in a scuffle with the
natives. This was my chance, and it made me the more anxious to go. It was only
months and months afterwards, when I made the attempt to recover what was left
of the body, that I heard the original quarrel arose from a misunderstanding
about some hens. Yes, two black hens. Fresleven -- that was the fellow's name,
a Dane -- thought himself wronged somehow in the bargain, so he went ashore and
started to hammer the chief of the village with a stick. Oh, it didn't surprise
me in the least to hear this, and at the same time to be told that Fresleven
was the gentlest, quietest creature that ever walked on two legs. No doubt he
was; but he had been a couple of years already out there engaged in the noble
cause, you know, and he probably felt the need at last of asserting his
self-respect in some way. Therefore he whacked the old nigger mercilessly, while
a big crowd of his people watched him, thunderstruck, till some man -- I was
told the chief's son -- in desperation at hearing the old chap yell, made a
tentative jab with a spear at the white man -- and of course it went quite easy
between the shoulder- blades. Then the whole population cleared into the
forest, expecting all kinds of calamities to happen, while, on the other hand,
the steamer Fresleven commanded left also in a bad panic, in charge of the
engineer, I believe. Afterwards nobody seemed to trouble much about Fresleven's
remains, till I got out and stepped into his shoes. I couldn't let it rest,
though; but when an opportunity offered at last to meet my predecessor, the
grass growing through his ribs was tall enough to hide his bones. They were all
there. The supernatural being had not been touched after he fell. And the
village was deserted, the huts gaped black, rotting, all askew within the
fallen enclosures. A calamity had come to it, sure enough. The people had
vanished. Mad terror had scattered them, men, women, and children, through the
bush, and they had never returned. What became of the hens I don't know either.
I should think the cause of progress got them, anyhow. However, through this
glorious affair I got my appointment, before I had fairly begun to hope for it.
"I flew around
like mad to get ready, and before forty- eight hours I was crossing the Channel
to show myself to my employers, and sign the contract. In a very few hours I
arrived in a city that always makes me think of a whited sepulchre. Prejudice
no doubt. I had no difficulty in finding the Company's offices. It was the
biggest thing in the town, and everybody I met was full of it. They were going
to run an over-sea empire, and make no end of coin by trade.
"A narrow and
deserted street in deep shadow, high houses, innumerable windows with venetian
blinds, a dead silence, grass sprouting right and left, immense double doors
standing ponderously ajar. I slipped through one of these cracks, went up a
swept and ungarnished staircase, as arid as a desert, and opened the first door
I came to. Two women, one fat and the other slim, sat on straw- bottomed
chairs, knitting black wool. The slim one got up and walked straight at me --
still knitting with down- cast eyes -- and only just as I began to think of
getting out of her way, as you would for a somnambulist, stood still, and
looked up. Her dress was as plain as an umbrella-cover, and she turned round
without a word and preceded me into a waiting-room. I gave my name, and looked
about. Deal table in the middle, plain chairs all round the walls, on one end a
large shining map, marked with all the colours of a rainbow. There was a vast
amount of red -- good to see at any time, because one knows that some real work
is done in there, a deuce of a lot of blue, a little green, smears of orange,
and, on the East Coast, a purple patch, to show where the jolly pioneers of
progress drink the jolly lager-beer. However, I wasn't going into any of these.
I was going into the yellow. Dead in the centre. And the river was there --
fascinating -- deadly -- like a snake. Ough! A door opened, a white-haired
secretarial head, but wearing a compassionate expression, appeared, and a
skinny forefinger beckoned me into the sanctuary. Its light was dim, and a
heavy writing-desk squatted in the middle. From behind that structure came out
an impression of pale plumpness in a frock-coat. The great man himself. He was
five feet six, I should judge, and had his grip on the handle-end of ever so
many millions. He shook hands, I fancy, murmured vaguely, was satisfied with my
French. BON VOYAGE.
"In about
forty-five seconds I found myself again in the waiting-room with the
compassionate secretary, who, full of desolation and sympathy, made me sign
some document. I believe I undertook amongst other things not to disclose any
trade secrets. Well, I am not going to.
"I began to feel
slightly uneasy. You know I am not used to such ceremonies, and there was
something ominous in the atmosphere. It was just as though I had been let into
some conspiracy -- I don't know -- something not quite right; and I was glad to
get out. In the outer room the two women knitted black wool feverishly. People
were arriving, and the younger one was walking back and forth introducing them.
The old one sat on her chair. Her flat cloth slippers were propped up on a
foot- warmer, and a cat reposed on her lap. She wore a starched white affair on
her head, had a wart on one cheek, and silver-rimmed spectacles hung on the tip
of her nose. She glanced at me above the glasses. The swift and indifferent
placidity of that look troubled me. Two youths with foolish and cheery
countenances were being piloted over, and she threw at them the same quick
glance of unconcerned wisdom. She seemed to know all about them and about me,
too. An eerie feeling came over me. She seemed uncanny and fateful. Often far
away there I thought of these two, guarding the door of Darkness, knitting
black wool as for a warm pall, one introducing, introducing continuously to the
unknown, the other scrutinizing the cheery and foolish faces with unconcerned
old eyes. AVE! Old knitter of black wool. MORITURI TE SALUTANT. Not many of
those she looked at ever saw her again -- not half, by a long way.
"There was yet a
visit to the doctor. 'A simple formality,' assured me the secretary, with an
air of taking an immense part in all my sorrows. Accordingly a young chap
wearing his hat over the left eyebrow, some clerk I suppose -- there must have
been clerks in the business, though the house was as still as a house in a city
of the dead -- came from somewhere up-stairs, and led me forth. He was shabby
and careless, with inkstains on the sleeves of his jacket, and his cravat was
large and billowy, under a chin shaped like the toe of an old boot. It was a
little too early for the doctor, so I proposed a drink, and thereupon he
developed a vein of joviality. As we sat over our vermouths he glorified the
Company's business, and by and by I expressed casually my surprise at him not
going out there. He became very cool and collected all at once. 'I am not such
a fool as I look, quoth Plato to his disciples,' he said sententiously, emptied
his glass with great resolution, and we rose.
"The old doctor
felt my pulse, evidently thinking of something else the while. 'Good, good for
there,' he mumbled, and then with a certain eagerness asked me whether I would
let him measure my head. Rather surprised, I said Yes, when he produced a thing
like calipers and got the dimensions back and front and every way, taking notes
carefully. He was an unshaven little man in a threadbare coat like a gaberdine,
with his feet in slippers, and I thought him a harmless fool. 'I always ask
leave, in the interests of science, to measure the crania of those going out
there,' he said. 'And when they come back, too?' I asked. 'Oh, I never see
them,' he remarked; 'and, moreover, the changes take place inside, you know.'
He smiled, as if at some quiet joke. 'So you are going out there. Famous.
Interesting, too.' He gave me a searching glance, and made another note. 'Ever
any madness in your family?' he asked, in a matter-of-fact tone. I felt very
annoyed. 'Is that question in the interests of science, too?' 'It would be,' he
said, without taking notice of my irritation, 'interesting for science to watch
the mental changes of individuals, on the spot, but . . .' 'Are you an
alienist?' I interrupted. 'Every doctor should be -- a little,' answered that
original, imperturbably. 'I have a little theory which you messieurs who go out
there must help me to prove. This is my share in the advantages my country
shall reap from the possession of such a magnificent dependency. The mere
wealth I leave to others. Pardon my questions, but you are the first Englishman
coming under my observation . . .' I hastened to assure him I was not in the
least typical. 'If I were,' said I, 'I wouldn't be talking like this with you.'
'What you say is rather profound, and probably erroneous,' he said, with a
laugh. 'Avoid irritation more than exposure to the sun. Adieu. How do you
English say, eh? Good-bye. Ah! Good-bye. Adieu. In the tropics one must before
everything keep calm.' . . . He lifted a warning forefinger. . . . 'DU CALME,
DU CALME. ADIEU.'
"One thing more
remained to do -- say good-bye to my excellent aunt. I found her triumphant. I
had a cup of tea -- the last decent cup of tea for many days -- and in a room
that most soothingly looked just as you would expect a lady's drawing-room to
look, we had a long quiet chat by the fireside. In the course of these
confidences it became quite plain to me I had been represented to the wife of
the high dignitary, and goodness knows to how many more people besides, as an
exceptional and gifted creature -- a piece of good fortune for the Company -- a
man you don't get hold of every day. Good heavens! and I was going to take
charge of a two-penny-half-penny river-steamboat with a penny whistle attached!
It appeared, however, I was also one of the Workers, with a capital -- you
know. Something like an emissary of light, something like a lower sort of
apostle. There had been a lot of such rot let loose in print and talk just
about that time, and the excellent woman, living right in the rush of all that
humbug, got carried off her feet. She talked about 'weaning those ignorant
millions from their horrid ways,' till, upon my word, she made me quite
uncomfortable. I ventured to hint that the Company was run for profit.
"'You forget, dear
Charlie, that the labourer is worthy of his hire,' she said, brightly. It's
queer how out of touch with truth women are. They live in a world of their own,
and there has never been anything like it, and never can be. It is too
beautiful altogether, and if they were to set it up it would go to pieces
before the first sunset. Some confounded fact we men have been living
contentedly with ever since the day of creation would start up and knock the
whole thing over.
"After this I got
embraced, told to wear flannel, be sure to write often, and so on -- and I
left. In the street -- I don't know why -- a queer feeling came to me that I
was an imposter. Odd thing that I, who used to clear out for any part of the
world at twenty-four hours' notice, with less thought than most men give to the
crossing of a street, had a moment -- I won't say of hesitation, but of
startled pause, before this commonplace affair. The best way I can explain it
to you is by saying that, for a second or two, I felt as though, instead of
going to the centre of a continent, I were about to set off for the centre of
the earth.
"I left in a
French steamer, and she called in every blamed port they have out there, for,
as far as I could see, the sole purpose of landing soldiers and custom- house
officers. I watched the coast. Watching a coast as it slips by the ship is like
thinking about an enigma. There it is before you -- smiling, frowning,
inviting, grand, mean, insipid, or savage, and always mute with an air of
whispering, 'Come and find out.' This one was almost featureless, as if still
in the making, with an aspect of monotonous grimness. The edge of a colossal
jungle, so dark-green as to be almost black, fringed with white surf, ran
straight, like a ruled line, far, far away along a blue sea whose glitter was
blurred by a creeping mist. The sun was fierce, the land seemed to glisten and
drip with steam. Here and there greyish-whitish specks showed up clustered
inside the white surf, with a flag flying above them perhaps. Settlements some
centuries old, and still no bigger than pinheads on the untouched expanse of
their background. We pounded along, stopped, landed soldiers; went on, landed
custom-house clerks to levy toll in what looked like a God-forsaken wilderness,
with a tin shed and a flag-pole lost in it; landed more soldiers -- to take
care of the custom-house clerks, presumably. Some, I heard, got drowned in the
surf; but whether they did or not, nobody seemed particularly to care. They
were just flung out there, and on we went. Every day the coast looked the same,
as though we had not moved; but we passed various places -- trading places --
with names like Gran' Bassam, Little Popo; names that seemed to belong to some
sordid farce acted in front of a sinister back-cloth. The idleness of a
passenger, my isolation amongst all these men with whom I had no point of
contact, the oily and languid sea, the uniform sombreness of the coast, seemed
to keep me away from the truth of things, within the toil of a mournful and
senseless delusion. The voice of the surf heard now and then was a positive
pleasure, like the speech of a brother. It was something natural, that had its
reason, that had a meaning. Now and then a boat from the shore gave one a
momentary contact with reality. It was paddled by black fellows. You could see
from afar the white of their eyeballs glistening. They shouted, sang; their
bodies streamed with perspiration; they had faces like grotesque masks -- these
chaps; but they had bone, muscle, a wild vitality, an intense energy of
movement, that was as natural and true as the surf along their coast. They
wanted no excuse for being there. They were a great comfort to look at. For a
time I would feel I belonged still to a world of straightforward facts; but the
feeling would not last long. Something would turn up to scare it away. Once, I
remember, we came upon a man-of-war anchored off the coast. There wasn't even a
shed there, and she was shelling the bush. It appears the French had one of
their wars going on thereabouts. Her ensign dropped limp like a rag; the
muzzles of the long six-inch guns stuck out all over the low hull; the greasy,
slimy swell swung her up lazily and let her down, swaying her thin masts. In
the empty immensity of earth, sky, and water, there she was, incomprehensible,
firing into a continent. Pop, would go one of the six-inch guns; a small flame
would dart and vanish, a little white smoke would disappear, a tiny projectile
would give a feeble screech -- and nothing happened. Nothing could happen.
There was a touch of insanity in the proceeding, a sense of lugubrious drollery
in the sight; and it was not dissipated by somebody on board assuring me
earnestly there was a camp of natives -- he called them enemies! -- hidden out
of sight somewhere.
"We gave her her
letters (I heard the men in that lonely ship were dying of fever at the rate of
three a day) and went on. We called at some more places with farcical names,
where the merry dance of death and trade goes on in a still and earthy
atmosphere as of an overheated catacomb; all along the formless coast bordered
by dangerous surf, as if Nature herself had tried to ward off intruders; in and
out of rivers, streams of death in life, whose banks were rotting into mud,
whose waters, thickened into slime, invaded the contorted mangroves, that
seemed to writhe at us in the extremity of an impotent despair. Nowhere did we
stop long enough to get a particularized impression, but the general sense of
vague and oppressive wonder grew upon me. It was like a weary pilgrimage
amongst hints for nightmares.
"It was upward of
thirty days before I saw the mouth of the big river. We anchored off the seat
of the government. But my work would not begin till some two hundred miles
farther on. So as soon as I could I made a start for a place thirty miles higher
up.
"I had my passage
on a little sea-going steamer. Her captain was a Swede, and knowing me for a
seaman, invited me on the bridge. He was a young man, lean, fair, and morose,
with lanky hair and a shuffling gait. As we left the miserable little wharf, he
tossed his head contemptuously at the shore. 'Been living there?' he asked. I
said, 'Yes.' 'Fine lot these government chaps -- are they not?' he went on,
speaking English with great precision and considerable bitterness. 'It is funny
what some people will do for a few francs a month. I wonder what becomes of
that kind when it goes upcountry?' I said to him I expected to see that soon.
'So-o-o!' he exclaimed. He shuffled athwart, keeping one eye ahead vigilantly.
'Don't be too sure,' he continued. 'The other day I took up a man who hanged
himself on the road. He was a Swede, too.' 'Hanged himself! Why, in God's
name?' I cried. He kept on looking out watchfully. 'Who knows? The sun too much
for him, or the country perhaps.'
"At last we opened
a reach. A rocky cliff appeared, mounds of turned-up earth by the shore, houses
on a hill, others with iron roofs, amongst a waste of excavations, or hanging
to the declivity. A continuous noise of the rapids above hovered over this
scene of inhabited devastation. A lot of people, mostly black and naked, moved
about like ants. A jetty projected into the river. A blinding sunlight drowned
all this at times in a sudden recrudescence of glare. 'There's your Company's
station,' said the Swede, pointing to three wooden barrack-like structures on
the rocky slope. 'I will send your things up. Four boxes did you say? So.
Farewell.'
"I came upon a
boiler wallowing in the grass, then found a path leading up the hill. It turned
aside for the boulders, and also for an undersized railway-truck lying there on
its back with its wheels in the air. One was off. The thing looked as dead as
the carcass of some animal. I came upon more pieces of decaying machinery, a
stack of rusty rails. To the left a clump of trees made a shady spot, where
dark things seemed to stir feebly. I blinked, the path was steep. A horn tooted
to the right, and I saw the black people run. A heavy and dull detonation shook
the ground, a puff of smoke came out of the cliff, and that was all. No change
appeared on the face of the rock. They were building a railway. The cliff was
not in the way or anything; but this objectless blasting was all the work going
on.
"A slight clinking
behind me made me turn my head. Six black men advanced in a file, toiling up
the path. They walked erect and slow, balancing small baskets full of earth on
their heads, and the clink kept time with their footsteps. Black rags were
wound round their loins, and the short ends behind waggled to and fro like
tails. I could see every rib, the joints of their limbs were like knots in a
rope; each had an iron collar on his neck, and all were connected together with
a chain whose bights swung between them, rhythmically clinking. Another report
from the cliff made me think suddenly of that ship of war I had seen firing
into a continent. It was the same kind of ominous voice; but these men could by
no stretch of imagination be called enemies. They were called criminals, and
the outraged law, like the bursting shells, had come to them, an insoluble mystery
from the sea. All their meagre breasts panted together, the violently dilated
nostrils quivered, the eyes stared stonily uphill. They passed me within six
inches, without a glance, with that complete, deathlike indifference of unhappy
savages. Behind this raw matter one of the reclaimed, the product of the new
forces at work, strolled despondently, carrying a rifle by its middle. He had a
uniform jacket with one button off, and seeing a white man on the path, hoisted
his weapon to his shoulder with alacrity. This was simple prudence, white men
being so much alike at a distance that he could not tell who I might be. He was
speedily reassured, and with a large, white, rascally grin, and a glance at his
charge, seemed to take me into partnership in his exalted trust. After all, I
also was a part of the great cause of these high and just proceedings.
"Instead of going
up, I turned and descended to the left. My idea was to let that chain-gang get
out of sight before I climbed the hill. You know I am not particularly tender;
I've had to strike and to fend off. I've had to resist and to attack sometimes
-- that's only one way of resisting -- without counting the exact cost,
according to the demands of such sort of life as I had blundered into. I've
seen the devil of violence, and the devil of greed, and the devil of hot
desire; but, by all the stars! these were strong, lusty, red-eyed devils, that
swayed and drove men -- men, I tell you. But as I stood on this hillside, I
foresaw that in the blinding sunshine of that land I would become acquainted
with a flabby, pretending, weak-eyed devil of a rapacious and pitiless folly.
How insidious he could be, too, I was only to find out several months later and
a thousand miles farther. For a moment I stood appalled, as though by a
warning. Finally I descended the hill, obliquely, towards the trees I had seen.
"I avoided a vast
artificial hole somebody had been digging on the slope, the purpose of which I
found it impossible to divine. It wasn't a quarry or a sandpit, anyhow. It was
just a hole. It might have been connected with the philanthropic desire of
giving the criminals something to do. I don't know. Then I nearly fell into a
very narrow ravine, almost no more than a scar in the hillside. I discovered
that a lot of imported drainage-pipes for the settlement had been tumbled in
there. There wasn't one that was not broken. It was a wanton smash-up. At last
I got under the trees. My purpose was to stroll into the shade for a moment;
but no sooner within than it seemed to me I had stepped into the gloomy circle
of some Inferno. The rapids were near, and an uninterrupted, uniform, headlong,
rushing noise filled the mournful stillness of the grove, where not a breath
stirred, not a leaf moved, with a mysterious sound -- as though the tearing
pace of the launched earth had suddenly become audible.
"Black shapes
crouched, lay, sat between the trees leaning against the trunks, clinging to
the earth, half coming out, half effaced within the dim light, in all the
attitudes of pain, abandonment, and despair. Another mine on the cliff went
off, followed by a slight shudder of the soil under my feet. The work was going
on. The work! And this was the place where some of the helpers had withdrawn to
die.
"They were dying
slowly -- it was very clear. They were not enemies, they were not criminals,
they were nothing earthly now -- nothing but black shadows of disease and
starvation, lying confusedly in the greenish gloom. Brought from all the
recesses of the coast in all the legality of time contracts, lost in
uncongenial surroundings, fed on unfamiliar food, they sickened, became
inefficient, and were then allowed to crawl away and rest. These moribund
shapes were free as air -- and nearly as thin. I began to distinguish the gleam
of the eyes under the trees. Then, glancing down, I saw a face near my hand.
The black bones reclined at full length with one shoulder against the tree, and
slowly the eyelids rose and the sunken eyes looked up at me, enormous and
vacant, a kind of blind, white flicker in the depths of the orbs, which died
out slowly. The man seemed young -- almost a boy -- but you know with them it's
hard to tell. I found nothing else to do but to offer him one of my good
Swede's ship's biscuits I had in my pocket. The fingers closed slowly on it and
held -- there was no other movement and no other glance. He had tied a bit of
white worsted round his neck -- Why? Where did he get it? Was it a badge -- an
ornament -- a charm -- a propitiatory act? Was there any idea at all connected
with it? It looked startling round his black neck, this bit of white thread
from beyond the seas.
"Near the same
tree two more bundles of acute angles sat with their legs drawn up. One, with
his chin propped on his knees, stared at nothing, in an intolerable and
appalling manner: his brother phantom rested its forehead, as if overcome with
a great weariness; and all about others were scattered in every pose of
contorted collapse, as in some picture of a massacre or a pestilence. While I
stood horror-struck, one of these creatures rose to his hands and knees, and
went off on all-fours towards the river to drink. He lapped out of his hand,
then sat up in the sunlight, crossing his shins in front of him, and after a
time let his woolly head fall on his breastbone.
"I didn't want any
more loitering in the shade, and I made haste towards the station. When near
the buildings I met a white man, in such an unexpected elegance of get- up that
in the first moment I took him for a sort of vision. I saw a high starched
collar, white cuffs, a light alpaca jacket, snowy trousers, a clean necktie,
and varnished boots. No hat. Hair parted, brushed, oiled, under a green-lined
parasol held in a big white hand. He was amazing, and had a penholder behind
his ear.
"I shook hands
with this miracle, and I learned he was the Company's chief accountant, and
that all the book- keeping was done at this station. He had come out for a
moment, he said, 'to get a breath of fresh air.' The expression sounded
wonderfully odd, with its suggestion of sedentary desk-life. I wouldn't have
mentioned the fellow to you at all, only it was from his lips that I first
heard the name of the man who is so indissolubly connected with the memories of
that time. Moreover, I respected the fellow. Yes; I respected his collars, his
vast cuffs, his brushed hair. His appearance was certainly that of a
hairdresser's dummy; but in the great demoralization of the land he kept up his
appearance. That's backbone. His starched collars and got-up shirt-fronts were
achievements of character. He had been out nearly three years; and, later, I
could not help asking him how he managed to sport such linen. He had just the
faintest blush, and said modestly, 'I've been teaching one of the native women
about the station. It was difficult. She had a distaste for the work.' Thus
this man had verily accomplished something. And he was devoted to his books,
which were in apple-pie order.
"Everything else
in the station was in a muddle -- heads, things, buildings. Strings of dusty
niggers with splay feet arrived and departed; a stream of manufactured goods,
rubbishy cottons, beads, and brass-wire set into the depths of darkness, and in
return came a precious trickle of ivory.
"I had to wait in
the station for ten days -- an eternity. I lived in a hut in the yard, but to
be out of the chaos I would sometimes get into the accountant's office. It was
built of horizontal planks, and so badly put together that, as he bent over his
high desk, he was barred from neck to heels with narrow strips of sunlight.
There was no need to open the big shutter to see. It was hot there, too; big
flies buzzed fiendishly, and did not sting, but stabbed. I sat generally on the
floor, while, of faultless appearance (and even slightly scented), perching on
a high stool, he wrote, he wrote. Sometimes he stood up for exercise. When a
truckle-bed with a sick man (some invalid agent from upcountry) was put in
there, he exhibited a gentle annoyance. 'The groans of this sick person,' he
said, 'distract my attention. And without that it is extremely difficult to
guard against clerical errors in this climate.'
"One day he
remarked, without lifting his head, 'In the interior you will no doubt meet Mr.
Kurtz.' On my asking who Mr. Kurtz was, he said he was a first-class agent; and
seeing my disappointment at this information, he added slowly, laying down his
pen, 'He is a very remarkable person.' Further questions elicited from him that
Mr. Kurtz was at present in charge of a trading-post, a very important one, in
the true ivory-country, at 'the very bottom of there. Sends in as much ivory as
all the others put together . . .' He began to write again. The sick man was
too ill to groan. The flies buzzed in a great peace.
"Suddenly there
was a growing murmur of voices and a great tramping of feet. A caravan had come
in. A violent babble of uncouth sounds burst out on the other side of the
planks. All the carriers were speaking together, and in the midst of the uproar
the lamentable voice of the chief agent was heard 'giving it up' tearfully for
the twentieth time that day. . . . He rose slowly. 'What a frightful row,' he
said. He crossed the room gently to look at the sick man, and returning, said
to me, 'He does not hear.' 'What! Dead?' I asked, startled. 'No, not yet,' he
answered, with great composure. Then, alluding with a toss of the head to the
tumult in the station-yard, 'When one has got to make correct entries, one
comes to hate those savages -- hate them to the death.' He remained thoughtful
for a moment. 'When you see Mr. Kurtz' he went on, 'tell him from me that
everything here' -- he glanced at the deck -- 'is very satisfactory. I don't
like to write to him -- with those messengers of ours you never know who may
get hold of your letter -- at that Central Station.' He stared at me for a
moment with his mild, bulging eyes. 'Oh, he will go far, very far,' he began
again. 'He will be a somebody in the Administration before long. They, above --
the Council in Europe, you know -- mean him to be.'
"He turned to his
work. The noise outside had ceased, and presently in going out I stopped at the
door. In the steady buzz of flies the homeward-bound agent was lying finished
and insensible; the other, bent over his books, was making correct entries of
perfectly correct transactions; and fifty feet below the doorstep I could see
the still tree- tops of the grove of death.
"Next day I left
that station at last, with a caravan of sixty men, for a two-hundred-mile
tramp.
"No use telling
you much about that. Paths, paths, everywhere; a stamped-in network of paths
spreading over the empty land, through the long grass, through burnt grass,
through thickets, down and up chilly ravines, up and down stony hills ablaze
with heat; and a solitude, a solitude, nobody, not a hut. The population had
cleared out a long time ago. Well, if a lot of mysterious niggers armed with
all kinds of fearful weapons suddenly took to travelling on the road between
Deal and Gravesend, catching the yokels right and left to carry heavy loads for
them, I fancy every farm and cottage thereabouts would get empty very soon.
Only here the dwellings were gone, too. Still I passed through several
abandoned villages. There's something pathetically childish in the ruins of
grass walls. Day after day, with the stamp and shuffle of sixty pair of bare
feet behind me, each pair under a 60-lb. load. Camp, cook, sleep, strike camp,
march. Now and then a carrier dead in harness, at rest in the long grass near
the path, with an empty water-gourd and his long staff lying by his side. A
great silence around and above. Perhaps on some quiet night the tremor of far-
off drums, sinking, swelling, a tremor vast, faint; a sound weird, appealing,
suggestive, and wild -- and perhaps with as profound a meaning as the sound of
bells in a Christian country. Once a white man in an unbuttoned uniform,
camping on the path with an armed escort of lank Zanzibaris, very hospitable
and festive -- not to say drunk. Was looking after the upkeep of the road, he
declared. Can't say I saw any road or any upkeep, unless the body of a
middle-aged negro, with a bullet-hole in the forehead, upon which I absolutely
stumbled three miles farther on, may be considered as a permanent improvement.
I had a white companion, too, not a bad chap, but rather too fleshy and with
the exasperating habit of fainting on the hot hillsides, miles away from the
least bit of shade and water. Annoying, you know, to hold your own coat like a
parasol over a man's head while he is coming to. I couldn't help asking him
once what he meant by coming there at all. 'To make money, of course. What do
you think?' he said, scornfully. Then he got fever, and had to be carried in a
hammock slung under a pole. As he weighed sixteen stone I had no end of rows
with the carriers. They jibbed, ran away, sneaked off with their loads in the
night -- quite a mutiny. So, one evening, I made a speech in English with
gestures, not one of which was lost to the sixty pairs of eyes before me, and
the next morning I started the hammock off in front all right. An hour
afterwards I came upon the whole concern wrecked in a bush -- man, hammock,
groans, blankets, horrors. The heavy pole had skinned his poor nose. He was
very anxious for me to kill somebody, but there wasn't the shadow of a carrier
near. I remembered the old doctor -- 'It would be interesting for science to
watch the mental changes of individuals, on the spot.' I felt I was becoming
scientifically interesting. However, all that is to no purpose. On the
fifteenth day I came in sight of the big river again, and hobbled into the
Central Station. It was on a back water surrounded by scrub and forest, with a
pretty border of smelly mud on one side, and on the three others enclosed by a
crazy fence of rushes. A neglected gap was all the gate it had, and the first
glance at the place was enough to let you see the flabby devil was running that
show. White men with long staves in their hands appeared languidly from amongst
the buildings, strolling up to take a look at me, and then retired out of sight
somewhere. One of them, a stout, excitable chap with black moustaches, informed
me with great volubility and many digressions, as soon as I told him who I was,
that my steamer was at the bottom of the river. I was thunderstruck. What, how,
why? Oh, it was 'all right.' The 'manager himself' was there. All quite
correct. 'Everybody had behaved splendidly! splendidly!' -- 'you must,' he said
in agitation, 'go and see the general manager at once. He is waiting!'
"I did not see the
real significance of that wreck at once. I fancy I see it now, but I am not
sure -- not at all. Certainly the affair was too stupid -- when I think of it
-- to be altogether natural. Still . . . But at the moment it presented itself
simply as a confounded nuisance. The steamer was sunk. They had started two
days before in a sudden hurry up the river with the manager on board, in charge
of some volunteer skipper, and before they had been out three hours they tore
the bottom out of her on stones, and she sank near the south bank. I asked
myself what I was to do there, now my boat was lost. As a matter of fact, I had
plenty to do in fishing my command out of the river. I had to set about it the
very next day. That, and the repairs when I brought the pieces to the station,
took some months.
"My first
interview with the manager was curious. He did not ask me to sit down after my
twenty-mile walk that morning. He was commonplace in complexion, in features,
in manners, and in voice. He was of middle size and of ordinary build. His eyes,
of the usual blue, were perhaps remarkably cold, and he certainly could make
his glance fall on one as trenchant and heavy as an axe. But even at these
times the rest of his person seemed to disclaim the intention. Otherwise there
was only an indefinable, faint expression of his lips, something stealthy -- a
smile -- not a smile -- I remember it, but I can't explain. It was unconscious,
this smile was, though just after he had said something it got intensified for
an instant. It came at the end of his speeches like a seal applied on the words
to make the meaning of the commonest phrase appear absolutely inscrutable. He
was a common trader, from his youth up employed in these parts -- nothing more.
He was obeyed, yet he inspired neither love nor fear, nor even respect. He
inspired uneasiness. That was it! Uneasiness. Not a definite mistrust -- just
uneasiness -- nothing more. You have no idea how effective such a . . . a. . .
. faculty can be. He had no genius for organizing, for initiative, or for order
even. That was evident in such things as the deplorable state of the station.
He had no learning, and no intelligence. His position had come to him -- why?
Perhaps because he was never ill . . . He had served three terms of three years
out there . . . Because triumphant health in the general rout of constitutions
is a kind of power in itself. When he went home on leave he rioted on a large
scale -- pompously. Jack ashore -- with a difference -- in externals only. This
one could gather from his casual talk. He originated nothing, he could keep the
routine going -- that's all. But he was great. He was great by this little
thing that it was impossible to tell what could control such a man. He never
gave that secret away. Perhaps there was nothing within him. Such a suspicion
made one pause -- for out there there were no external checks. Once when
various tropical diseases had laid low almost every 'agent' in the station, he
was heard to say, 'Men who come out here should have no entrails.' He sealed
the utterance with that smile of his, as though it had been a door opening into
a darkness he had in his keeping. You fancied you had seen things -- but the
seal was on. When annoyed at meal-times by the constant quarrels of the white
men about precedence, he ordered an immense round table to be made, for which a
special house had to be built. This was the station's mess-room. Where he sat
was the first place -- the rest were nowhere. One felt this to be his
unalterable conviction. He was neither civil nor uncivil. He was quiet. He
allowed his 'boy' -- an overfed young negro from the coast -- to treat the
white men, under his very eyes, with provoking insolence.
"He began to speak
as soon as he saw me. I had been very long on the road. He could not wait. Had
to start without me. The up-river stations had to be relieved. There had been
so many delays already that he did not know who was dead and who was alive, and
how they got on -- and so on, and so on. He paid no attention to my
explanations, and, playing with a stick of sealing-wax, repeated several times
that the situation was 'very grave, very grave.' There were rumours that a very
important station was in jeopardy, and its chief, Mr. Kurtz, was ill. Hoped it
was not true. Mr. Kurtz was . . . I felt weary and irritable. Hang Kurtz, I
thought. I interrupted him by saying I had heard of Mr. Kurtz on the coast.
'Ah! So they talk of him down there,' he murmured to himself. Then he began
again, assuring me Mr. Kurtz was the best agent he had, an exceptional man, of
the greatest importance to the Company; therefore I could understand his
anxiety. He was, he said, 'very, very uneasy.' Certainly he fidgeted on his
chair a good deal, exclaimed, 'Ah, Mr. Kurtz!' broke the stick of sealing-wax
and seemed dumfounded by the accident. Next thing he wanted to know 'how long
it would take to' . . . I interrupted him again. Being hungry, you know, and
kept on my feet too. I was getting savage. 'How can I tell?' I said. 'I haven't
even seen the wreck yet -- some months, no doubt.' All this talk seemed to me
so futile. 'Some months,' he said. 'Well, let us say three months before we can
make a start. Yes. That ought to do the affair.' I flung out of his hut (he
lived all alone in a clay hut with a sort of verandah) muttering to myself my
opinion of him. He was a chattering idiot. Afterwards I took it back when it
was borne in upon me startlingly with what extreme nicety he had estimated the
time requisite for the 'affair.'
"I went to work
the next day, turning, so to speak, my back on that station. In that way only
it seemed to me I could keep my hold on the redeeming facts of life. Still, one
must look about sometimes; and then I saw this station, these men strolling
aimlessly about in the sunshine of the yard. I asked myself sometimes what it
all meant. They wandered here and there with their absurd long staves in their
hands, like a lot of faithless pilgrims bewitched inside a rotten fence. The
word 'ivory' rang in the air, was whispered, was sighed. You would think they
were praying to it. A taint of imbecile rapacity blew through it all, like a
whiff from some corpse. By Jove! I've never seen anything so unreal in my life.
And outside, the silent wilderness surrounding this cleared speck on the earth
struck me as something great and invincible, like evil or truth, waiting
patiently for the passing away of this fantastic invasion.
"Oh, these months!
Well, never mind. Various things happened. One evening a grass shed full of
calico, cotton prints, beads, and I don't know what else, burst into a blaze so
suddenly that you would have thought the earth had opened to let an avenging
fire consume all that trash. I was smoking my pipe quietly by my dismantled
steamer, and saw them all cutting capers in the light, with their arms lifted
high, when the stout man with moustaches came tearing down to the river, a tin
pail in his hand, assured me that everybody was 'behaving splendidly,
splendidly,' dipped about a quart of water and tore back again. I noticed there
was a hole in the bottom of his pail.
"I strolled up.
There was no hurry. You see the thing had gone off like a box of matches. It
had been hopeless from the very first. The flame had leaped high, driven
everybody back, lighted up everything -- and collapsed. The shed was already a
heap of embers glowing fiercely. A nigger was being beaten near by. They said
he had caused the fire in some way; be that as it may, he was screeching most
horribly. I saw him, later, for several days, sitting in a bit of shade looking
very sick and trying to recover himself; afterwards he arose and went out --
and the wilderness without a sound took him into its bosom again. As I
approached the glow from the dark I found myself at the back of two men,
talking. I heard the name of Kurtz pronounced, then the words, 'take ad-
vantage of this unfortunate accident.' One of the men was the manager. I wished
him a good evening. 'Did you ever see anything like it -- eh? it is
incredible,' he said, and walked off. The other man remained. He was a
first-class agent, young, gentlemanly, a bit reserved, with a forked little
beard and a hooked nose. He was stand-offish with the other agents, and they on
their side said he was the manager's spy upon them. As to me, I had hardly ever
spoken to him before. We got into talk, and by and by we strolled away from the
hissing ruins. Then he asked me to his room, which was in the main building of
the station. He struck a match, and I perceived that this young aristocrat had
not only a silver-mounted dressing-case but also a whole candle all to himself.
Just at that time the manager was the only man supposed to have any right to
candles. Native mats covered the clay walls; a collection of spears, assegais,
shields, knives was hung up in trophies. The business intrusted to this fellow
was the making of bricks -- so I had been informed; but there wasn't a fragment
of a brick anywhere in the station, and he had been there more than a year --
waiting. It seems he could not make bricks without something, I don't know what
-- straw maybe. Anyway, it could not be found there and as it was not likely to
be sent from Europe, it did not appear clear to me what he was waiting for. An
act of special creation perhaps. However, they were all waiting -- all the
sixteen or twenty pilgrims of them -- for something; and upon my word it did
not seem an un- congenial occupation, from the way they took it, though the
only thing that ever came to them was disease -- as far as I could see. They
beguiled the time by back- biting and intriguing against each other in a
foolish kind of way. There was an air of plotting about that station, but
nothing came of it, of course. It was as unreal as everything else -- as the
philanthropic pretence of the whole concern, as their talk, as their
government, as their show of work. The only real feeling was a desire to get
appointed to a trading-post where ivory was to be had, so that they could earn
percentages. They intrigued and slandered and hated each other only on that
account -- but as to effectually lifting a little finger -- oh, no. By heavens!
there is something after all in the world allowing one man to steal a horse
while another must not look at a halter. Steal a horse straight out. Very well.
He has done it. Perhaps he can ride. But there is a way of looking at a halter
that would provoke the most charitable of saints into a kick.
"I had no idea why
he wanted to be sociable, but as we chatted in there it suddenly occurred to me
the fellow was trying to get at something -- in fact, pumping me. He alluded
constantly to Europe, to the people I was supposed to know there -- putting
leading questions as to my acquaintances in the sepulchral city, and so on. His
little eyes glittered like mica discs -- with curiosity -- though he tried to
keep up a bit of superciliousness. At first I was astonished, but very soon I
became awfully curious to see what he would find out from me. I couldn't
possibly imagine what I had in me to make it worth his while. It was very
pretty to see how he baffled himself, for in truth my body was full only of
chills, and my head had nothing in it but that wretched steamboat business. It
was evident he took me for a perfectly shameless prevaricator. At last he got
angry, and, to conceal a movement of furious annoyance, he yawned. I rose. Then
I noticed a small sketch in oils, on a panel, representing a woman, draped and
blindfolded, carrying a lighted torch. The background was sombre -- almost
black. The movement of the woman was stately, and the effect of the torchlight
on the face was sinister.
"It arrested me,
and he stood by civilly, holding an empty half-pint champagne bottle (medical
comforts) with the candle stuck in it. To my question he said Mr. Kurtz had
painted this -- in this very station more than a year ago -- while waiting for
means to go to his trading post. 'Tell me, pray,' said I, 'who is this Mr.
Kurtz?'
"'The chief of the
Inner Station,' he answered in a short tone, looking away. 'Much obliged,' I
said, laughing. 'And you are the brickmaker of the Central Station. Every one
knows that.' He was silent for a while. 'He is a prodigy,' he said at last. 'He
is an emissary of pity and science and progress, and devil knows what else. We
want,' he began to declaim suddenly, 'for the guidance of the cause intrusted
to us by Europe, so to speak, higher intelligence, wide sympathies, a
singleness of purpose.' 'Who says that?' I asked. 'Lots of them,' he replied.
'Some even write that; and so HE comes here, a special being, as you ought to
know.' 'Why ought I to know?' I interrupted, really surprised. He paid no
attention. 'Yes. To- day he is chief of the best station, next year he will be
assistant-manager, two years more and . . . but I dare- say you know what he
will be in two years' time. You are of the new gang -- the gang of virtue. The
same people who sent him specially also recommended you. Oh, don't say no. I've
my own eyes to trust.' Light dawned upon me. My dear aunt's influential
acquaintances were producing an unexpected effect upon that young man. I nearly
burst into a laugh. 'Do you read the Company's confidential correspondence?' I
asked. He hadn't a word to say. It was great fun. 'When Mr. Kurtz,' I
continued, severely, 'is General Manager, you won't have the opportunity.'
"He blew the candle
out suddenly, and we went outside. The moon had risen. Black figures strolled
about listlessly, pouring water on the glow, whence proceeded a sound of
hissing; steam ascended in the moonlight, the beaten nigger groaned somewhere.
'What a row the brute makes!' said the indefatigable man with the moustaches,
appearing near us. 'Serve him right. Transgression -- punishment -- bang!
Pitiless, pitiless. That's the only way. This will prevent all conflagrations
for the future. I was just telling the manager . . .' He noticed my companion,
and became crestfallen all at once. 'Not in bed yet,' he said, with a kind of
servile heartiness; 'it's so natural. Ha! Danger -- agitation.' He vanished. I
went on to the river- side, and the other followed me. I heard a scathing
murmur at my ear, 'Heap of muffs -- go to.' The pilgrims could be seen in knots
gesticulating, discussing. Several had still their staves in their hands. I
verily believe they took these sticks to bed with them. Beyond the fence the
forest stood up spectrally in the moonlight, and through that dim stir, through
the faint sounds of that lamentable courtyard, the silence of the land went
home to one's very heart -- its mystery, its greatness, the amazing reality of
its concealed life. The hurt nigger moaned feebly somewhere near by, and then
fetched a deep sigh that made me mend my pace away from there. I felt a hand
introducing itself under my arm. 'My dear sir,' said the fellow, 'I don't want
to be misunderstood, and especially by you, who will see Mr. Kurtz long before
I can have that pleasure. I wouldn't like him to get a false idea of my
disposition. . . .'
"I let him run on,
this papier-mache Mephistopheles, and it seemed to me that if I tried I could
poke my fore- finger through him, and would find nothing inside but a little
loose dirt, maybe. He, don't you see, had been planning to be assistant-manager
by and by under the present man, and I could see that the coming of that Kurtz
had upset them both not a little. He talked precipitately, and I did not try to
stop him. I had my shoulders against the wreck of my steamer, hauled up on the
slope like a carcass of some big river animal. The smell of mud, of primeval
mud, by Jove! was in my nostrils, the high stillness of primeval forest was
before my eyes; there were shiny patches on the black creek. The moon had
spread over everything a thin layer of silver -- over the rank grass, over the
mud, upon the wall of matted vegetation standing higher than the wall of a
temple, over the great river I could see through a sombre gap glittering,
glittering, as it flowed broadly by without a murmur. All this was great,
expectant, mute, while the man jabbered about himself. I wondered whether the
stillness on the face of the immensity looking at us two were meant as an
appeal or as a menace. What were we who had strayed in here? Could we handle
that dumb thing, or would it handle us? I felt how big, how confoundedly big,
was that thing that couldn't talk, and perhaps was deaf as well. What was in
there? I could see a little ivory coming out from there, and I had heard Mr.
Kurtz was in there. I had heard enough about it, too -- God knows! Yet somehow
it didn't bring any image with it -- no more than if I had been told an angel
or a fiend was in there. I believed it in the same way one of you might believe
there are inhabitants in the planet Mars. I knew once a Scotch sailmaker who
was certain, dead sure, there were people in Mars. If you asked him for some
idea how they looked and behaved, he would get shy and mutter something about
'walking on all-fours.' If you as much as smiled, he would -- though a man of
sixty -- offer to fight you. I would not have gone so far as to fight for
Kurtz, but I went for him near enough to a lie. You know I hate, detest, and
can't bear a lie, not because I am straighter than the rest of us, but simply
because it appalls me. There is a taint of death, a flavour of mortality in
lies -- which is exactly what I hate and detest in the world -- what I want to
forget. It makes me miserable and sick, like biting something rotten would do.
Temperament, I suppose. Well, I went near enough to it by letting the young
fool there believe anything he liked to imagine as to my influence in Europe. I
became in an instant as much of a pretence as the rest of the bewitched
pilgrims. This simply because I had a notion it somehow would be of help to
that Kurtz whom at the time I did not see -- you understand. He was just a word
for me. I did not see the man in the name any more than you do. Do you see him?
Do you see the story? Do you see anything? It seems to me I am trying to tell
you a dream -- making a vain attempt, because no relation of a dream can convey
the dream-sensation, that commingling of absurdity, surprise, and bewilderment
in a tremor of struggling revolt, that notion of being captured by the
incredible which is of the very essence of dreams. . . ."
He was silent for a
while.
". . . No, it is
impossible; it is impossible to convey the life-sensation of any given epoch of
one's existence -- that which makes its truth, its meaning -- its subtle and
penetrating essence. It is impossible. We live, as we dream -- alone. . .
."
He paused again as if
reflecting, then added:
"Of course in this
you fellows see more than I could then. You see me, whom you know. . . ."
It had become so pitch
dark that we listeners could hardly see one another. For a long time already
he, sitting apart, had been no more to us than a voice. There was not a word
from anybody. The others might have been asleep, but I was awake. I listened, I
listened on the watch for the sentence, for the word, that would give me the
clue to the faint uneasiness inspired by this narrative that seemed to shape
itself without human lips in the heavy night-air of the river.
". . . Yes -- I
let him run on," Marlow began again, "and think what he pleased about
the powers that were behind me. I did! And there was nothing behind me! There
was nothing but that wretched, old, mangled steamboat I was leaning against,
while he talked fluently about 'the necessity for every man to get on.' 'And
when one comes out here, you conceive, it is not to gaze at the moon.' Mr.
Kurtz was a 'universal genius,' but even a genius would find it easier to work
with 'adequate tools -- intelligent men.' He did not make bricks -- why, there
was a physical impossibility in the way -- as I was well aware; and if he did
secretarial work for the manager, it was because 'no sensible man rejects
wantonly the confidence of his superiors.' Did I see it? I saw it. What more
did I want? What I really wanted was rivets, by heaven! Rivets. To get on with
the work -- to stop the hole. Rivets I wanted. There were cases of them down at
the coast -- cases -- piled up -- burst -- split! You kicked a loose rivet at
every second step in that station-yard on the hillside. Rivets had rolled into
the grove of death. You could fill your pockets with rivets for the trouble of
stooping down -- and there wasn't one rivet to be found where it was wanted. We
had plates that would do, but nothing to fasten them with. And every week the
messenger, a long negro, letter-bag on shoulder and staff in hand, left our
station for the coast. And several times a week a coast caravan came in with
trade goods -- ghastly glazed calico that made you shudder only to look at it,
glass beads value about a penny a quart, confounded spotted cotton
handkerchiefs. And no rivets. Three carriers could have brought all that was
wanted to set that steamboat afloat.
"He was becoming
confidential now, but I fancy my unresponsive attitude must have exasperated
him at last, for he judged it necessary to inform me he feared neither God nor
devil, let alone any mere man. I said I could see that very well, but what I
wanted was a certain quantity of rivets -- and rivets were what really Mr.
Kurtz wanted, if he had only known it. Now letters went to the coast every
week. . . . 'My dear sir,' he cried, 'I write from dictation.' I demanded
rivets. There was a way -- for an intelligent man. He changed his manner;
became very cold, and suddenly began to talk about a hippopotamus; wondered
whether sleeping on board the steamer (I stuck to my salvage night and day) I
wasn't disturbed. There was an old hippo that had the bad habit of getting out
on the bank and roaming at night over the station grounds. The pilgrims used to
turn out in a body and empty every rifle they could lay hands on at him. Some
even had sat up o' nights for him. All this energy was wasted, though. 'That
animal has a charmed life,' he said; 'but you can say this only of brutes in
this country. No man -- you apprehend me? -- no man here bears a charmed life.'
He stood there for a moment in the moonlight with his delicate hooked nose set
a little askew, and his mica eyes glittering without a wink, then, with a curt
Good- night, he strode off. I could see he was disturbed and considerably
puzzled, which made me feel more hopeful than I had been for days. It was a
great comfort to turn from that chap to my influential friend, the battered,
twisted, ruined, tin-pot steamboat. I clambered on board. She rang under my
feet like an empty Huntley & Palmer biscuit-tin kicked along a gutter; she
was nothing so solid in make, and rather less pretty in shape, but I had
expended enough hard work on her to make me love her. No influential friend
would have served me better. She had given me a chance to come out a bit -- to
find out what I could do. No, I don't like work. I had rather laze about and
think of all the fine things that can be done. I don't like work -- no man does
-- but I like what is in the work -- the chance to find yourself. Your own
reality -- for yourself, not for others -- what no other man can ever know.
They can only see the mere show, and never can tell what it really means.
"I was not
surprised to see somebody sitting aft, on the deck, with his legs dangling over
the mud. You see I rather chummed with the few mechanics there were in that
station, whom the other pilgrims naturally despised -- on account of their
imperfect manners, I suppose. This was the foreman -- a boiler-maker by trade
-- a good worker. He was a lank, bony, yellow-faced man, with big intense eyes.
His aspect was worried, and his head was as bald as the palm of my hand; but
his hair in falling seemed to have stuck to his chin, and had prospered in the
new locality, for his beard hung down to his waist. He was a widower with six
young children (he had left them in charge of a sister of his to come out
there), and the passion of his life was pigeon-flying. He was an enthusiast and
a connoisseur. He would rave about pigeons. After work hours he used sometimes
to come over from his hut for a talk about his children and his pigeons; at
work, when he had to crawl in the mud under the bottom of the steamboat, he
would tie up that beard of his in a kind of white serviette he brought for the
purpose. It had loops to go over his ears. In the evening he could be seen
squatted on the bank rinsing that wrapper in the creek with great care, then
spreading it solemnly on a bush to dry.
"I slapped him on
the back and shouted, 'We shall have rivets!' He scrambled to his feet
exclaiming, 'No! Rivets!' as though he couldn't believe his ears. Then in a low
voice, 'You . . . eh?' I don't know why we behaved like lunatics. I put my
finger to the side of my nose and nodded mysteriously. 'Good for you!' he
cried, snapped his fingers above his head, lifting one foot. I tried a jig. We
capered on the iron deck. A frightful clatter came out of that hulk, and the
virgin forest on the other bank of the creek sent it back in a thundering roll
upon the sleeping station. It must have made some of the pilgrims sit up in
their hovels. A dark figure obscured the lighted doorway of the manager's hut,
vanished, then, a second or so after, the doorway itself vanished, too. We
stopped, and the silence driven away by the stamping of our feet flowed back
again from the recesses of the land. The great wall of vegetation, an exuberant
and entangled mass of trunks, branches, leaves, boughs, festoons, motionless in
the moonlight, was like a rioting invasion of soundless life, a rolling wave of
plants, piled up, crested, ready to topple over the creek, to sweep every
little man of us out of his little existence. And it moved not. A deadened
burst of mighty splashes and snorts reached us from afar, as though an
icthyosaurus had been taking a bath of glitter in the great river. 'After all,'
said the boiler-maker in a reasonable tone, 'why shouldn't we get the rivets?'
Why not, indeed! I did not know of any reason why we shouldn't. 'They'll come
in three weeks,' I said confidently.
"But they didn't.
Instead of rivets there came an invasion, an infliction, a visitation. It came
in sections during the next three weeks, each section headed by a donkey
carrying a white man in new clothes and tan shoes, bowing from that elevation
right and left to the impressed pilgrims. A quarrelsome band of footsore sulky
niggers trod on the heels of the donkey; a lot of tents, camp- stools, tin
boxes, white cases, brown bales would be shot down in the court-yard, and the
air of mystery would deepen a little over the muddle of the station. Five such
instalments came, with their absurd air of disorderly flight with the loot of
innumerable outfit shops and provision stores, that, one would think, they were
lugging, after a raid, into the wilderness for equitable division. It was an
inextricable mess of things decent in themselves but that human folly made look
like the spoils of thieving.
"This devoted band
called itself the Eldorado Exploring Expedition, and I believe they were sworn
to secrecy. Their talk, however, was the talk of sordid buccaneers: it was
reckless without hardihood, greedy without audacity, and cruel without courage;
there was not an atom of fore- sight or of serious intention in the whole batch
of them, and they did not seem aware these things are wanted for the work of
the world. To tear treasure out of the bowels of the land was their desire,
with no more moral purpose at the back of it than there is in burglars breaking
into a safe. Who paid the expenses of the noble enterprise I don't know; but
the uncle of our manager was leader of that lot.
"In exterior he
resembled a butcher in a poor neighbourhood, and his eyes had a look of sleepy
cunning. He carried his fat paunch with ostentation on his short legs, and
during the time his gang infested the station spoke to no one but his nephew.
You could see these two roaming about all day long with their heads close
together in an everlasting confab.
"I had given up
worrying myself about the rivets. One's capacity for that kind of folly is more
limited than you would suppose. I said Hang! -- and let things slide. I had
plenty of time for meditation, and now and then I would give some thought to
Kurtz. I wasn't very interested in him. No. Still, I was curious to see whether
this man, who had come out equipped with moral ideas of some sort, would climb
to the top after all and how he would set about his work when there."
"One evening as I
was lying flat on the deck of my steamboat, I heard voices approaching -- and
there were the nephew and the uncle strolling along the bank. I laid my head on
my arm again, and had nearly lost myself in a doze, when somebody said in my
ear, as it were: 'I am as harmless as a little child, but I don't like to be dictated
to. Am I the manager -- or am I not? I was ordered to send him there. It's
incredible.' . . . I became aware that the two were standing on the shore
alongside the forepart of the steamboat, just below my head. I did not move; it
did not occur to me to move: I was sleepy. 'It IS unpleasant,' grunted the
uncle. 'He has asked the Administration to be sent there,' said the other,
'with the idea of showing what he could do; and I was instructed accordingly.
Look at the influence that man must have. Is it not frightful?' They both
agreed it was frightful, then made several bizarre remarks: 'Make rain and fine
weather -- one man -- the Council -- by the nose' -- bits of absurd sentences
that got the better of my drowsiness, so that I had pretty near the whole of my
wits about me when the uncle said, 'The climate may do away with this
difficulty for you. Is he alone there?' 'Yes,' answered the manager; 'he sent
his assistant down the river with a note to me in these terms: "Clear this
poor devil out of the country, and don't bother sending more of that sort. I
had rather be alone than have the kind of men you can dispose of with me."
It was more than a year ago. Can you imagine such impudence!' 'Anything since
then?' asked the other hoarsely. 'Ivory,' jerked the nephew; 'lots of it --
prime sort -- lots -- most annoying, from him.' 'And with that?' questioned the
heavy rumble. 'Invoice,' was the reply fired out, so to speak. Then silence.
They had been talking about Kurtz.
"I was broad awake
by this time, but, lying perfectly at ease, remained still, having no
inducement to change my position. 'How did that ivory come all this way?'
growled the elder man, who seemed very vexed. The other explained that it had
come with a fleet of canoes in charge of an English half-caste clerk Kurtz had
with him; that Kurtz had apparently intended to return himself, the station
being by that time bare of goods and stores, but after coming three hundred
miles, had suddenly decided to go back, which he started to do alone in a small
dugout with four paddlers, leaving the half-caste to continue down the river
with the ivory. The two fellows there seemed astounded at anybody attempting
such a thing. They were at a loss for an adequate motive. As to me, I seemed to
see Kurtz for the first time. It was a distinct glimpse: the dugout, four
paddling savages, and the lone white man turning his back suddenly on the
headquarters, on relief, on thoughts of home -- perhaps; setting his face
towards the depths of the wilderness, towards his empty and desolate station. I
did not know the motive. Perhaps he was just simply a fine fellow who stuck to
his work for its own sake. His name, you understand, had not been pronounced
once. He was 'that man.' The half-caste, who, as far as I could see, had
conducted a difficult trip with great prudence and pluck, was invariably
alluded to as 'that scoundrel.' The 'scoundrel' had reported that the 'man' had
been very ill -- had recovered imperfectly. . . . The two below me moved away
then a few paces, and strolled back and forth at some little distance. I heard:
'Military post -- doctor -- two hundred miles -- quite alone now -- unavoidable
delays -- nine months -- no news -- strange rumours.' They approached again,
just as the manager was saying, 'No one, as far as I know, unless a species of
wandering trader -- a pestilential fellow, snapping ivory from the natives.'
Who was it they were talking about now? I gathered in snatches that this was
some man supposed to be in Kurtz's district, and of whom the manager did not
approve. 'We will not be free from unfair competition till one of these fellows
is hanged for an example,' he said. 'Certainly,' grunted the other; 'get him
hanged! Why not? Anything -- anything can be done in this country. That's what
I say; nobody here, you understand, HERE, can endanger your position. And why?
You stand the climate -- you outlast them all. The danger is in Europe; but
there before I left I took care to -- ' They moved off and whispered, then
their voices rose again. 'The extraordinary series of delays is not my fault. I
did my best.' The fat man sighed. 'Very sad.' 'And the pestiferous absurdity of
his talk,' continued the other; 'he bothered me enough when he was here.
"Each station should be like a beacon on the road towards better things, a
centre for trade of course, but also for humanizing, improving,
instructing." Conceive you -- that ass! And he wants to be manager! No,
it's -- ' Here he got choked by excessive indignation, and I lifted my head the
least bit. I was surprised to see how near they were -- right under me. I could
have spat upon their hats. They were looking on the ground, absorbed in
thought. The manager was switching his leg with a slender twig: his sagacious
relative lifted his head. 'You have been well since you came out this time?' he
asked. The other gave a start. 'Who? I? Oh! Like a charm -- like a charm. But
the rest -- oh, my goodness! All sick. They die so quick, too, that I haven't
the time to send them out of the country -- it's incredible!' 'Hm'm. Just so,'
grunted the uncle. 'Ah! my boy, trust to this -- I say, trust to this.' I saw
him extend his short flipper of an arm for a gesture that took in the forest,
the creek, the mud, the river -- seemed to beckon with a dishonouring flourish
before the sunlit face of the land a treacherous appeal to the lurking death,
to the hidden evil, to the profound darkness of its heart. It was so startling
that I leaped to my feet and looked back at the edge of the forest, as though I
had expected an answer of some sort to that black display of confidence. You
know the foolish notions that come to one sometimes. The high stillness
confronted these two figures with its ominous patience, waiting for the passing
away of a fantastic invasion.
"They swore aloud
together -- out of sheer fright, I believe -- then pretending not to know
anything of my existence, turned back to the station. The sun was low; and
leaning forward side by side, they seemed to be tugging painfully uphill their
two ridiculous shadows of unequal length, that trailed behind them slowly over
the tall grass without bending a single blade.
"In a few days the
Eldorado Expedition went into the patient wilderness, that closed upon it as
the sea closes over a diver. Long afterwards the news came that all the donkeys
were dead. I know nothing as to the fate of the less valuable animals. They, no
doubt, like the rest of us, found what they deserved. I did not inquire. I was
then rather excited at the prospect of meeting Kurtz very soon. When I say very
soon I mean it comparatively. It was just two months from the day we left the
creek when we came to the bank below Kurtz's station.
"Going up that
river was like traveling back to the earliest beginnings of the world, when
vegetation rioted on the earth and the big trees were kings. An empty stream, a
great silence, an impenetrable forest. The air was warm, thick, heavy,
sluggish. There was no joy in the brilliance of sunshine. The long stretches of
the water- way ran on, deserted, into the gloom of over-shadowed distances. On
silvery sand-banks hippos and alligators sunned themselves side by side. The
broadening waters flowed through a mob of wooded islands; you lost your way on
that river as you would in a desert, and butted all day long against shoals, trying
to find the channel, till you thought yourself bewitched and cut off for ever
from everything you had known once -- somewhere -- far away -- in another
existence perhaps. There were moments when one's past came back to one, as it
will sometimes when you have not a moment to spare for yourself; but it came in
the shape of an unrestful and noisy dream, remembered with wonder amongst the
overwhelming realities of this strange world of plants, and water, and silence.
And this stillness of life did not in the least resemble a peace. It was the
stillness of an implacable force brooding over an inscrutable intention. It
looked at you with a vengeful aspect. I got used to it afterwards; I did not
see it any more; I had no time. I had to keep guessing at the channel; I had to
discern, mostly by inspiration, the signs of hidden banks; I watched for sunken
stones; I was learning to clap my teeth smartly before my heart flew out, when
I shaved by a fluke some infernal sly old snag that would have ripped the life
out of the tin-pot steamboat and drowned all the pilgrims; I had to keep a
lookout for the signs of dead wood we could cut up in the night for next day's
steaming. When you have to attend to things of that sort, to the mere incidents
of the surface, the reality -- the reality, I tell you -- fades. The inner
truth is hidden -- luckily, luckily. But I felt it all the same; I felt often
its mysterious stillness watching me at my monkey tricks, just as it watches
you fellows performing on your respective tight-ropes for -- what is it?
half-a-crown a tumble -- "
"Try to be civil,
Marlow," growled a voice, and I knew there was at least one listener awake
besides myself.
"I beg your
pardon. I forgot the heartache which makes up the rest of the price. And indeed
what does the price matter, if the trick be well done? You do your tricks very
well. And I didn't do badly either, since I managed not to sink that steamboat
on my first trip. It's a wonder to me yet. Imagine a blindfolded man set to
drive a van over a bad road. I sweated and shivered over that business
considerably, I can tell you. After all, for a seaman, to scrape the bottom of
the thing that's supposed to float all the time under his care is the
unpardonable sin. No one may know of it, but you never forget the thump -- eh?
A blow on the very heart. You remember it, you dream of it, you wake up at
night and think of it -- years after -- and go hot and cold all over. I don't
pretend to say that steamboat floated all the time. More than once she had to
wade for a bit, with twenty cannibals splashing around and pushing. We had
enlisted some of these chaps on the way for a crew. Fine fellows -- cannibals
-- in their place. They were men one could work with, and I am grateful to
them. And, after all, they did not eat each other before my face: they had
brought along a provision of hippo-meat which went rotten, and made the mystery
of the wilderness stink in my nostrils. Phoo! I can sniff it now. I had the
manager on board and three or four pilgrims with their staves -- all complete.
Sometimes we came upon a station close by the bank, clinging to the skirts of
the unknown, and the white men rushing out of a tumble-down hovel, with great
gestures of joy and surprise and welcome, seemed very strange -- had the
appearance of being held there captive by a spell. The word ivory would ring in
the air for a while -- and on we went again into the silence, along empty
reaches, round the still bends, between the high walls of our winding way,
reverberating in hollow claps the ponderous beat of the stern-wheel. Trees,
trees, millions of trees, massive, immense, running up high; and at their foot,
hugging the bank against the stream, crept the little begrimed steamboat, like
a sluggish beetle crawling on the floor of a lofty portico. It made you feel
very small, very lost, and yet it was not altogether depressing, that feeling.
After all, if you were small, the grimy beetle crawled on -- which was just
what you wanted it to do. Where the pilgrims imagined it crawled to I don't know.
To some place where they expected to get something. I bet! For me it crawled
towards Kurtz -- exclusively; but when the steam-pipes started leaking we
crawled very slow. The reaches opened before us and closed behind, as if the
forest had stepped leisurely across the water to bar the way for our return. We
penetrated deeper and deeper into the heart of darkness. It was very quiet
there. At night sometimes the roll of drums behind the curtain of trees would
run up the river and remain sustained faintly, as if hovering in the air high
over our heads, till the first break of day. Whether it meant war, peace, or
prayer we could not tell. The dawns were heralded by the descent of a chill
stillness; the wood-cutters slept, their fires burned low; the snapping of a
twig would make you start. We were wanderers on a prehistoric earth, on an
earth that wore the aspect of an unknown planet. We could have fancied
ourselves the first of men taking possession of an accursed inheritance, to be
subdued at the cost of profound anguish and of excessive toil. But suddenly, as
we struggled round a bend, there would be a glimpse of rush walls, of peaked
grass-roofs, a burst of yells, a whirl of black limbs, a mass of hands
clapping, of feet stamping, of bodies swaying, of eyes rolling, under the droop
of heavy and motionless foliage. The steamer toiled along slowly on the edge of
a black and incomprehensible frenzy. The pre- historic man was cursing us,
praying to us, welcoming us -- who could tell? We were cut off from the comprehension
of our surroundings; we glided past like phantoms, wondering and secretly
appalled, as sane men would be before an enthusiastic outbreak in a madhouse.
We could not understand because we were too far and could not remember because
we were travelling in the night of first ages, of those ages that are gone,
leaving hardly a sign -- and no memories.
"The earth seemed
unearthly. We are accustomed to look upon the shackled form of a conquered
monster, but there -- there you could look at a thing monstrous and free. It
was unearthly, and the men were -- No, they were not inhuman. Well, you know, that
was the worst of it -- this suspicion of their not being inhuman. It would come
slowly to one. They howled and leaped, and spun, and made horrid faces; but
what thrilled you was just the thought of their humanity -- like yours -- the
thought of your remote kinship with this wild and passionate uproar. Ugly. Yes,
it was ugly enough; but if you were man enough you would admit to yourself that
there was in you just the faintest trace of a response to the terrible
frankness of that noise, a dim suspicion of there being a meaning in it which
you -- you so remote from the night of first ages -- could comprehend. And why
not? The mind of man is capable of anything -- because everything is in it, all
the past as well as all the future. What was there after all? Joy, fear,
sorrow, devotion, valour, rage -- who can tell? -- but truth -- truth stripped
of its cloak of time. Let the fool gape and shudder -- the man knows, and can
look on without a wink. But he must at least be as much of a man as these on
the shore. He must meet that truth with his own true stuff -- with his own in-
born strength. Principles won't do. Acquisitions, clothes, pretty rags -- rags
that would fly off at the first good shake. No; you want a deliberate belief.
An appeal to me in this fiendish row -- is there? Very well; I hear; I admit,
but I have a voice, too, and for good or evil mine is the speech that cannot be
silenced. Of course, a fool, what with sheer fright and fine sentiments, is
always safe. Who's that grunting? You wonder I didn't go ashore for a howl and
a dance? Well, no -- I didn't. Fine sentiments, you say? Fine sentiments, be
hanged! I had no time. I had to mess about with white-lead and strips of woolen
blanket helping to put bandages on those leaky steam- pipes -- I tell you. I had
to watch the steering, and circumvent those snags, and get the tin-pot along by
hook or by crook. There was surface-truth enough in these things to save a
wiser man. And between whiles I had to look after the savage who was fireman.
He was an improved specimen; he could fire up a vertical boiler. He was there
below me, and, upon my word, to look at him was as edifying as seeing a dog in
a parody of breeches and a feather hat, walking on his hind-legs. A few months
of training had done for that really fine chap. He squinted at the steam-gauge
and at the water-gauge with an evident effort of intrepidity -- and he had
filed teeth, too, the poor devil, and the wool of his pate shaved into queer
patterns, and three ornamental scars on each of his cheeks. He ought to have
been clapping his hands and stamping his feet on the bank, instead of which he
was hard at work, a thrall to strange witchcraft, full of improving knowledge.
He was useful because he had been instructed; and what he knew was this -- that
should the water in that transparent thing disappear, the evil spirit inside
the boiler would get angry through the greatness of his thirst, and take a
terrible vengeance. So he sweated and fired up and watched the glass fearfully
(with an impromptu charm, made of rags, tied to his arm, and a piece of
polished bone, as big as a watch, stuck flatways through his lower lip), while
the wooded banks slipped past us slowly, the short noise was left behind, the
interminable miles of silence -- and we crept on, towards Kurtz. But the snags
were thick, the water was treacherous and shallow, the boiler seemed indeed to
have a sulky devil in it, and thus neither that fireman nor I had any time to
peer into our creepy thoughts.
"Some fifty miles
below the Inner Station we came upon a hut of reeds, an inclined and melancholy
pole, with the unrecognizable tatters of what had been a flag of some sort
flying from it, and a neatly stacked wood- pile. This was unexpected. We came
to the bank, and on the stack of firewood found a flat piece of board with some
faded pencil-writing on it. When deciphered it said: 'Wood for you. Hurry up.
Approach cautiously.' There was a signature, but it was illegible -- not Kurtz
-- a much longer word. 'Hurry up.' Where? Up the river? 'Approach cautiously.'
We had not done so. But the warning could not have been meant for the place
where it could be only found after approach. Something was wrong above. But
what -- and how much? That was the question. We commented adversely upon the
imbecility of that telegraphic style. The bush around said nothing, and would
not let us look very far, either. A torn curtain of red twill hung in the
doorway of the hut, and flapped sadly in our faces. The dwelling was
dismantled; but we could see a white man had lived there not very long ago.
There remained a rude table -- a plank on two posts; a heap of rubbish reposed
in a dark corner, and by the door I picked up a book. It had lost its covers,
and the pages had been thumbed into a state of extremely dirty softness; but the
back had been lovingly stitched afresh with white cotton thread, which looked
clean yet. It was an extraordinary find. Its title was, AN INQUIRY INTO SOME
POINTS OF SEAMANSHIP, by a man Towser, Towson -- some such name -- Master in
his Majesty's Navy. The matter looked dreary reading enough, with illustrative
diagrams and repulsive tables of figures, and the copy was sixty years old. I
handled this amazing antiquity with the greatest possible tenderness, lest it
should dissolve in my hands. Within, Towson or Towser was inquiring earnestly
into the breaking strain of ships' chains and tackle, and other such matters.
Not a very enthralling book; but at the first glance you could see there a
singleness of intention, an honest concern for the right way of going to work,
which made these humble pages, thought out so many years ago, luminous with
another than a professional light. The simple old sailor, with his talk of
chains and purchases, made me forget the jungle and the pilgrims in a delicious
sensation of having come upon something unmistakably real. Such a book being
there was wonderful enough; but still more astounding were the notes pencilled
in the margin, and plainly referring to the text. I couldn't believe my eyes!
They were in cipher! Yes, it looked like cipher. Fancy a man lugging with him a
book of that description into this nowhere and studying it -- and making notes
-- in cipher at that! It was an extravagant mystery.
"I had been dimly
aware for some time of a worrying noise, and when I lifted my eyes I saw the
wood-pile was gone, and the manager, aided by all the pilgrims, was shouting at
me from the riverside. I slipped the book into my pocket. I assure you to leave
off reading was like tearing myself away from the shelter of an old and solid
friendship.
"I started the
lame engine ahead. 'It must be this miserable trader-this intruder,' exclaimed
the manager, looking back malevolently at the place we had left. 'He must be
English,' I said. 'It will not save him from getting into trouble if he is not
careful,' muttered the manager darkly. I observed with assumed innocence that
no man was safe from trouble in this world.
"The current was
more rapid now, the steamer seemed at her last gasp, the stern-wheel flopped
languidly, and I caught myself listening on tiptoe for the next beat of the
boat, for in sober truth I expected the wretched thing to give up every moment.
It was like watching the last flickers of a life. But still we crawled.
Sometimes I would pick out a tree a little way ahead to measure our progress
towards Kurtz by, but I lost it invariably before we got abreast. To keep the
eyes so long on one thing was too much for human patience. The manager
displayed a beautiful resignation. I fretted and fumed and took to arguing with
myself whether or no I would talk openly with Kurtz; but before I could come to
any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any
action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what any one knew
or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes such a flash
of insight. The essentials of this affair lay deep under the surface, beyond my
reach, and beyond my power of meddling.
"Towards the
evening of the second day we judged ourselves about eight miles from Kurtz's
station. I wanted to push on; but the manager looked grave, and told me the
navigation up there was so dangerous that it would be advisable, the sun being
very low already, to wait where we were till next morning. Moreover, he pointed
out that if the warning to approach cautiously were to be followed, we must
approach in daylight -- not at dusk or in the dark. This was sensible enough.
Eight miles meant nearly three hours' steaming for us, and I could also see
suspicious ripples at the upper end of the reach. Nevertheless, I was annoyed
beyond expression at the delay, and most unreasonably, too, since one night
more could not matter much after so many months. As we had plenty of wood, and
caution was the word, I brought up in the middle of the stream. The reach was
narrow, straight, with high sides like a railway cutting. The dusk came gliding
into it long before the sun had set. The current ran smooth and swift, but a
dumb immobility sat on the banks. The living trees, lashed together by the
creepers and every living bush of the undergrowth, might have been changed into
stone, even to the slenderest twig, to the lightest leaf. It was not sleep --
it seemed unnatural, like a state of trance. Not the faintest sound of any kind
could be heard. You looked on amazed, and began to suspect yourself of being
deaf -- then the night came suddenly, and struck you blind as well. About three
in the morning some large fish leaped, and the loud splash made me jump as
though a gun had been fired. When the sun rose there was a white fog, very warm
and clammy, and more blinding than the night. It did not shift or drive; it was
just there, standing all round you like something solid. At eight or nine,
perhaps, it lifted as a shutter lifts. We had a glimpse of the towering multitude
of trees, of the immense matted jungle, with the blazing little ball of the sun
hanging over it -- all perfectly still -- and then the white shutter came down
again, smoothly, as if sliding in greased grooves. I ordered the chain, which
we had begun to heave in, to be paid out again. Before it stopped running with
a muffled rattle, a cry, a very loud cry, as of infinite desolation, soared
slowly in the opaque air. It ceased. A complaining clamour, modulated in savage
discords, filled our ears. The sheer unexpectedness of it made my hair stir
under my cap. I don't know how it struck the others: to me it seemed as though
the mist itself had screamed, so suddenly, and apparently from all sides at
once, did this tumultuous and mournful uproar arise. It culminated in a hurried
outbreak of almost intolerably excessive shrieking, which stopped short,
leaving us stiffened in a variety of silly attitudes, and obstinately listening
to the nearly as appalling and excessive silence. 'Good God! What is the meaning
-- ' stammered at my elbow one of the pilgrims -- a little fat man, with sandy
hair and red whiskers, who wore sidespring boots, and pink pyjamas tucked into
his socks. Two others remained open-mouthed a while minute, then dashed into
the little cabin, to rush out incontinently and stand darting scared glances,
with Winchesters at 'ready' in their hands. What we could see was just the
steamer we were on, her outlines blurred as though she had been on the point of
dissolving, and a misty strip of water, perhaps two feet broad, around her --
and that was all. The rest of the world was nowhere, as far as our eyes and
ears were concerned. Just nowhere. Gone, disappeared; swept off without leaving
a whisper or a shadow behind.
"I went forward,
and ordered the chain to be hauled in short, so as to be ready to trip the
anchor and move the steamboat at once if necessary. 'Will they attack?'
whispered an awed voice. 'We will be all butchered in this fog,' murmured
another. The faces twitched with the strain, the hands trembled slightly, the
eyes forgot to wink. It was very curious to see the contrast of expressions of
the white men and of the black fellows of our crew, who were as much strangers
to that part of the river as we, though their homes were only eight hundred
miles away. The whites, of course greatly discomposed, had besides a curious
look of being painfully shocked by such an outrageous row. The others had an
alert, naturally interested expression; but their faces were essentially quiet,
even those of the one or two who grinned as they hauled at the chain. Several
exchanged short, grunting phrases, which seemed to settle the matter to their
satisfaction. Their headman, a young, broad-chested black, severely draped in
dark-blue fringed cloths, with fierce nostrils and his hair all done up
artfully in oily ringlets, stood near me. 'Aha!' I said, just for good
fellowship's sake. 'Catch 'im,' he snapped, with a bloodshot widening of his
eyes and a flash of sharp teeth -- 'catch 'im. Give 'im to us.' 'To you, eh?' I
asked; 'what would you do with them?' 'Eat 'im!' he said curtly, and, leaning
his elbow on the rail, looked out into the fog in a dignified and profoundly
pensive attitude. I would no doubt have been properly horrified, had it not
occurred to me that he and his chaps must be very hungry: that they must have
been growing increasingly hungry for at least this month past. They had been
engaged for six months (I don't think a single one of them had any clear idea
of time, as we at the end of countless ages have. They still belonged to the
beginnings of time -- had no inherited experience to teach them as it were),
and of course, as long as there was a piece of paper written over in accordance
with some farcical law or other made down the river, it didn't enter anybody's
head to trouble how they would live. Certainly they had brought with them some
rotten hippo-meat, which couldn't have lasted very long, anyway, even if the
pilgrims hadn't, in the midst of a shocking hullabaloo, thrown a considerable
quantity of it over- board. It looked like a high-handed proceeding; but it was
really a case of legitimate self-defence. You can't breathe dead hippo waking,
sleeping, and eating, and at the same time keep your precarious grip on
existence. Besides that, they had given them every week three pieces of brass
wire, each about nine inches long; and the theory was they were to buy their
provisions with that currency in riverside villages. You can see how THAT
worked. There were either no villages, or the people were hostile, or the
director, who like the rest of us fed out of tins, with an occasional old
he-goat thrown in, didn't want to stop the steamer for some more or less
recondite reason. So, unless they swallowed the wire itself, or made loops of
it to snare the fishes with, I don't see what good their extravagant salary
could be to them. I must say it was paid with a regularity worthy of a large
and honourable trading company. For the rest, the only thing to eat -- though
it didn't look eatable in the least -- I saw in their possession was a few
lumps of some stuff like half- cooked dough, of a dirty lavender colour, they
kept wrapped in leaves, and now and then swallowed a piece of, but so small
that it seemed done more for the looks of the thing than for any serious
purpose of sustenance. Why in the name of all the gnawing devils of hunger they
didn't go for us -- they were thirty to five -- and have a good tuck-in for
once, amazes me now when I think of it. They were big powerful men, with not
much capacity to weigh the consequences, with courage, with strength, even yet,
though their skins were no longer glossy and their muscles no longer hard. And
I saw that something restraining, one of those human secrets that baffle
probability, had come into play there. I looked at them with a swift quickening
of interest -- not because it occurred to me I might be eaten by them before
very long, though I own to you that just then I perceived -- in a new light, as
it were -- how unwholesome the pilgrims looked, and I hoped, yes, I positively
hoped, that my aspect was not so -- what shall I say? -- so -- unappetizing: a
touch of fantastic vanity which fitted well with the dream-sensation that
pervaded all my days at that time. Perhaps I had a little fever, too. One can't
live with one's finger everlastingly on one's pulse. I had often 'a little
fever,' or a little touch of other things -- the playful paw-strokes of the
wilderness, the preliminary trifling before the more serious onslaught which
came in due course. Yes; I looked at them as you would on any human being, with
a curiosity of their impulses, motives, capacities, weaknesses, when brought to
the test of an inexorable physical necessity. Restraint! What possible
restraint? Was it superstition, disgust, patience, fear -- or some kind of
primitive honour? No fear can stand up to hunger, no patience can wear it out,
disgust simply does not exist where hunger is; and as to superstition, beliefs,
and what you may call principles, they are less than chaff in a breeze. Don't you
know the devilry of lingering starvation, its exasperating torment, its black
thoughts, its sombre and brooding ferocity? Well, I do. It takes a man all his
inborn strength to fight hunger properly. It's really easier to face
bereavement, dishonour, and the perdition of one's soul -- than this kind of
prolonged hunger. Sad, but true. And these chaps, too, had no earthly reason
for any kind of scruple. Restraint! I would just as soon have expected
restraint from a hyena prowling amongst the corpses of a battlefield. But there
was the fact facing me -- the fact dazzling, to be seen, like the foam on the
depths of the sea, like a ripple on an unfathomable enigma, a mystery greater
-- when I thought of it -- than the curious, inexplicable note of desperate grief
in this savage clamour that had swept by us on the river-bank, behind the blind
whiteness of the fog.
"Two pilgrims were
quarrelling in hurried whispers as to which bank. 'Left.' "no, no; how can
you? Right, right, of course.' 'It is very serious,' said the manager's voice
behind me; 'I would be desolated if anything should happen to Mr. Kurtz before
we came up.' I looked at him, and had not the slightest doubt he was sincere.
He was just the kind of man who would wish to preserve appearances. That was
his restraint. But when he muttered something about going on at once, I did not
even take the trouble to answer him. I knew, and he knew, that it was
impossible. Were we to let go our hold of the bottom, we would be absolutely in
the air -- in space. We wouldn't be able to tell where we were going to --
whether up or down stream, or across -- till we fetched against one bank or the
other -- and then we wouldn't know at first which it was. Of course I made no
move. I had no mind for a smash-up. You couldn't imagine a more deadly place
for a shipwreck. Whether we drowned at once or not, we were sure to perish
speedily in one way or another. 'I authorize you to take all the risks,' he
said, after a short silence. 'I refuse to take any,' I said shortly; which was
just the answer he expected, though its tone might have surprised him. 'Well, I
must defer to your judgment. You are captain,' he said with marked civility. I
turned my shoulder to him in sign of my appreciation, and looked into the fog.
How long would it last? It was the most hopeless lookout. The approach to this
Kurtz grubbing for ivory in the wretched bush was beset by as many dangers as
though he had been an enchanted princess sleeping in a fabulous castle. 'Will
they attack, do you think?' asked the manager, in a confidential tone.
"I did not think
they would attack, for several obvious reasons. The thick fog was one. If they
left the bank in their canoes they would get lost in it, as we would be if we
attempted to move. Still, I had also judged the jungle of both banks quite
impenetrable -- and yet eyes were in it, eyes that had seen us. The riverside
bushes were certainly very thick; but the undergrowth behind was evidently
penetrable. However, during the short lift I had seen no canoes anywhere in the
reach -- certainly not abreast of the steamer. But what made the idea of attack
inconceivable to me was the nature of the noise -- of the cries we had heard.
They had not the fierce character boding immediate hostile intention.
Unexpected, wild, and violent as they had been, they had given me an
irresistible impression of sorrow. The glimpse of the steamboat had for some
reason filled those savages with unrestrained grief. The danger, if any, I
expounded, was from our proximity to a great human passion let loose. Even
extreme grief may ultimately vent itself in violence -- but more generally
takes the form of apathy. . . .
"You should have
seen the pilgrims stare! They had no heart to grin, or even to revile me: but I
believe they thought me gone mad -- with fright, maybe. I delivered a regular
lecture. My dear boys, it was no good bothering. Keep a lookout? Well, you may
guess I watched the fog for the signs of lifting as a cat watches a mouse; but
for anything else our eyes were of no more use to us than if we had been buried
miles deep in a heap of cotton-wool. It felt like it, too -- choking, warm,
stifling. Besides, all I said, though it sounded extravagant, was absolutely
true to fact. What we afterwards alluded to as an attack was really an attempt
at repulse. The action was very far from being aggressive -- it was not even
defensive, in the usual sense: it was undertaken under the stress of
desperation, and in its essence was purely protective.
"It developed
itself, I should say, two hours after the fog lifted, and its commencement was
at a spot, roughly speaking, about a mile and a half below Kurtz's station. We
had just floundered and flopped round a bend, when I saw an islet, a mere
grassy hummock of bright green, in the middle of the stream. It was the only
thing of the kind; but as we opened the reach more, I perceived it was the head
of a long sand-bank, or rather of a chain of shallow patches stretching down
the middle of the river. They were discoloured, just awash, and the whole lot was
seen just under the water, exactly as a man's backbone is seen running down the
middle of his back under the skin. Now, as far as I did see, I could go to the
right or to the left of this. I didn't know either channel, of course. The
banks looked pretty well alike, the depth appeared the same; but as I had been
informed the station was on the west side, I naturally headed for the western
passage.
"No sooner had we
fairly entered it than I became aware it was much narrower than I had supposed.
To the left of us there was the long uninterrupted shoal, and to the right a
high, steep bank heavily overgrown with bushes. Above the bush the trees stood
in serried ranks. The twigs overhung the current thickly, and from distance to
distance a large limb of some tree projected rigidly over the stream. It was
then well on in the afternoon, the face of the forest was gloomy, and a broad
strip of shadow had already fallen on the water. In this shadow we steamed up
-- very slowly, as you may imagine. I sheered her well inshore -- the water
being deepest near the bank, as the sounding-pole informed me.
"One of my hungry
and forbearing friends was sounding in the bows just below me. This steamboat
was exactly like a decked scow. On the deck, there were two little teakwood
houses, with doors and windows. The boiler was in the fore-end, and the
machinery right astern. Over the whole there was a light roof, supported on
stanchions. The funnel projected through that roof, and in front of the funnel
a small cabin built of light planks served for a pilot-house. It contained a
couch, two camp- stools, a loaded Martini-Henry leaning in one corner, a tiny
table, and the steering-wheel. It had a wide door in front and a broad shutter
at each side. All these were always thrown open, of course. I spent my days
perched up there on the extreme fore-end of that roof, before the door. At
night I slept, or tried to, on the couch. An athletic black belonging to some
coast tribe and educated by my poor predecessor, was the helmsman. He sported a
pair of brass earrings, wore a blue cloth wrapper from the waist to the ankles,
and thought all the world of himself. He was the most unstable kind of fool I
had ever seen. He steered with no end of a swagger while you were by; but if he
lost sight of you, he became instantly the prey of an abject funk, and would
let that cripple of a steamboat get the upper hand of him in a minute.
"I was looking
down at the sounding-pole, and feeling much annoyed to see at each try a little
more of it stick out of that river, when I saw my poleman give up on the
business suddenly, and stretch himself flat on the deck, without even taking
the trouble to haul his pole in. He kept hold on it though, and it trailed in
the water. At the same time the fireman, whom I could also see below me, sat
down abruptly before his furnace and ducked his head. I was amazed. Then I had
to look at the river mighty quick, because there was a snag in the fairway.
Sticks, little sticks, were flying about -- thick: they were whizzing before my
nose, dropping below me, striking behind me against my pilot-house. All this
time the river, the shore, the woods, were very quiet -- perfectly quiet. I
could only hear the heavy splashing thump of the stern-wheel and the patter of
these things. We cleared the snag clumsily. Arrows, by Jove! We were being shot
at! I stepped in quickly to close the shutter on the land- side. That
fool-helmsman, his hands on the spokes, was lifting his knees high, stamping
his feet, champing his mouth, like a reined-in horse. Confound him! And we were
staggering within ten feet of the bank. I had to lean right out to swing the
heavy shutter, and I saw a face amongst the leaves on the level with my own,
looking at me very fierce and steady; and then suddenly, as though a veil had
been removed from my eyes, I made out, deep in the tangled gloom, naked
breasts, arms, legs, glaring eyes -- the bush was swarming with human limbs in
movement, glistening. of bronze colour. The twigs shook, swayed, and rustled,
the arrows flew out of them, and then the shutter came to. 'Steer her
straight,' I said to the helmsman. He held his head rigid, face forward; but
his eyes rolled, he kept on lifting and setting down his feet gently, his mouth
foamed a little. 'Keep quiet!' I said in a fury. I might just as well have
ordered a tree not to sway in the wind. I darted out. Below me there was a
great scuffle of feet on the iron deck; confused exclamations; a voice
screamed, 'Can you turn back?' I caught sight of a V-shaped ripple on the water
ahead. What? Another snag! A fusillade burst out under my feet. The pilgrims
had opened with their Winchesters, and were simply squirting lead into that
bush. A deuce of a lot of smoke came up and drove slowly forward. I swore at
it. Now I couldn't see the ripple or the snag either. I stood in the doorway,
peering, and the arrows came in swarms. They might have been poisoned, but they
looked as though they wouldn't kill a cat. The bush began to howl. Our
wood-cutters raised a warlike whoop; the report of a rifle just at my back
deafened me. I glanced over my shoulder, and the pilot-house was yet full of
noise and smoke when I made a dash at the wheel. The fool-nigger had dropped
everything, to throw the shutter open and let off that Martini-Henry. He stood
before the wide opening, glaring, and I yelled at him to come back, while I
straightened the sudden twist out of that steamboat. There was no room to turn
even if I had wanted to, the snag was somewhere very near ahead in that
confounded smoke, there was no time to lose, so I just crowded her into the
bank -- right into the bank, where I knew the water was deep.
"We tore slowly
along the overhanging bushes in a whirl of broken twigs and flying leaves. The
fusillade below stopped short, as I had foreseen it would when the squirts got
empty. I threw my head back to a glinting whizz that traversed the pilot-house,
in at one shutter- hole and out at the other. Looking past that mad helmsman,
who was shaking the empty rifle and yelling at the shore, I saw vague forms of
men running bent double, leaping, gliding, distinct, incomplete, evanescent.
Something big appeared in the air before the shutter, the rifle went overboard,
and the man stepped back swiftly, looked at me over his shoulder in an
extraordinary, profound, familiar manner, and fell upon my feet. The side of
his head hit the wheel twice, and the end of what appeared a long cane
clattered round and knocked over a little camp- stool. It looked as though
after wrenching that thing from somebody ashore he had lost his balance in the
effort. The thin smoke had blown away, we were clear of the snag, and looking
ahead I could see that in another hundred yards or so I would be free to sheer
off, away from the bank; but my feet felt so very warm and wet that I had to
look down. The man had rolled on his back and stared straight up at me; both
his hands clutched that cane. It was the shaft of a spear that, either thrown
or lunged through the opening, had caught him in the side, just below the ribs;
the blade had gone in out of sight, after making a frightful gash; my shoes
were full; a pool of blood lay very still, gleaming dark-red under the wheel;
his eyes shone with an amazing lustre. The fusillade burst out again. He looked
at me anxiously, gripping the spear like something precious, with an air of
being afraid I would try to take it away from him. I had to make an effort to
free my eyes from his gaze and attend to the steering. With one hand I felt
above my head for the line of the steam whistle, and jerked out screech after
screech hurriedly. The tumult of angry and warlike yells was checked instantly,
and then from the depths of the woods went out such a tremulous and prolonged
wail of mournful fear and utter despair as may be imagined to follow the flight
of the last hope from the earth. There was a great commotion in the bush; the
shower of arrows stopped, a few dropping shots rang out sharply -- then
silence, in which the languid beat of the stern-wheel came plainly to my ears.
I put the helm hard a-starboard at the moment when the pilgrim in pink pyjamas,
very hot and agitated, appeared in the doorway. 'The manager sends me -- ' he
began in an official tone, and stopped short. 'Good God!' he said, glaring at
the wounded man.
"We two whites
stood over him, and his lustrous and inquiring glance enveloped us both. I
declare it looked as though he would presently put to us some questions in an
understandable language; but he died without uttering a sound, without moving a
limb, without twitching a muscle. Only in the very last moment, as though in
response to some sign we could not see, to some whisper we could not hear, he
frowned heavily, and that frown gave to his black death-mask an inconceivably
sombre, brooding, and menacing expression. The lustre of inquiring glance faded
swiftly into vacant glassiness. 'Can you steer?' I asked the agent eagerly. He
looked very dubious; but I made a grab at his arm, and he understood at once I
meant him to steer whether or no. To tell you the truth, I was morbidly anxious
to change my shoes and socks. 'He is dead,' murmured the fellow, immensely
impressed. 'No doubt about it,' said I, tugging like mad at the shoe-laces.
'And by the way, I suppose Mr. Kurtz is dead as well by this time.'
"For the moment
that was the dominant thought. There was a sense of extreme disappointment, as
though I had found out I had been striving after something altogether without a
substance. I couldn't have been more disgusted if I had travelled all this way
for the sole purpose of talking with Mr. Kurtz. Talking with . . . I flung one
shoe overboard, and became aware that that was exactly what I had been looking
forward to -- a talk with Kurtz. I made the strange discovery that I had never
imagined him as doing, you know, but as discoursing. I didn't say to myself,
'Now I will never see him,' or 'Now I will never shake him by the hand,' but,
'Now I will never hear him.' The man presented himself as a voice. Not of
course that I did not connect him with some sort of action. Hadn't I been told
in all the tones of jealousy and admiration that he had collected, bartered,
swindled, or stolen more ivory than all the other agents together? That was not
the point. The point was in his being a gifted creature, and that of all his
gifts the one that stood out preeminently, that carried with it a sense of real
presence, was his ability to talk, his words -- the gift of expression, the
bewildering, the illuminating, the most exalted and the most contemptible, the
pulsating stream of light, or the deceitful flow from the heart of an
impenetrable darkness.
"The other shoe
went flying unto the devil-god of that river. I thought, 'By Jove! it's all
over. We are too late; he has vanished -- the gift has vanished, by means of
some spear, arrow, or club. I will never hear that chap speak after all' -- and
my sorrow had a startling extravagance of emotion, even such as I had noticed
in the howling sorrow of these savages in the bush. I couldn't have felt more
of lonely desolation somehow, had I been robbed of a belief or had missed my
destiny in life. . . . Why do you sigh in this beastly way, somebody? Absurd?
Well, absurd. Good Lord! mustn't a man ever -- Here, give me some
tobacco." . . .
There was a pause of
profound stillness, then a match flared, and Marlow's lean face appeared, worn,
hollow, with downward folds and dropped eyelids, with an aspect of concentrated
attention; and as he took vigorous draws at his pipe, it seemed to retreat and
advance out of the night in the regular flicker of tiny flame. The match went
out.
"Absurd!" he
cried. "This is the worst of trying to tell. . . . Here you all are, each
moored with two good addresses, like a hulk with two anchors, a butcher round
one corner, a policeman round another, excellent appetites, and temperature
normal -- you hear -- normal from year's end to year's end. And you say,
Absurd! Absurd be -- exploded! Absurd! My dear boys, what can you expect from a
man who out of sheer nervousness had just flung overboard a pair of new shoes!
Now I think of it, it is amazing I did not shed tears. I am, upon the whole,
proud of my fortitude. I was cut to the quick at the idea of having lost the
inestimable privilege of listening to the gifted Kurtz. Of course I was wrong.
The privilege was waiting for me. Oh, yes, I heard more than enough. And I was
right, too. A voice. He was very little more than a voice. And I heard -- him
-- it -- this voice -- other voices -- all of them were so little more than
voices -- and the memory of that time itself lingers around me, impalpable, like
a dying vibration of one immense jabber, silly, atrocious, sordid, savage, or
simply mean, without any kind of sense. Voices, voices -- even the girl herself
-- now -- "
He was silent for a
long time.
"I laid the ghost
of his gifts at last with a lie," he began, suddenly. "Girl! What?
Did I mention a girl? Oh, she is out of it -- completely. They -- the women, I
mean -- are out of it -- should be out of it. We must help them to stay in that
beautiful world of their own, lest ours gets worse. Oh, she had to be out of
it. You should have heard the disinterred body of Mr. Kurtz saying, 'My
Intended.' You would have perceived directly then how completely she was out of
it. And the lofty frontal bone of Mr. Kurtz! They say the hair goes on growing
sometimes, but this -- ah -- specimen, was impressively bald. The wilderness
had patted him on the head, and, behold, it was like a ball -- an ivory ball;
it had caressed him, and -- lo! -- he had withered; it had taken him, loved
him, embraced him, got into his veins, consumed his flesh, and sealed his soul
to its own by the inconceivable ceremonies of some devilish initiation. He was
its spoiled and pampered favourite. Ivory? I should think so. Heaps of it,
stacks of it. The old mud shanty was bursting with it. You would think there
was not a single tusk left either above or below the ground in the whole
country. 'Mostly fossil,' the manager had remarked, disparagingly. It was no
more fossil than I am; but they call it fossil when it is dug up. It appears
these niggers do bury the tusks sometimes -- but evidently they couldn't bury
this parcel deep enough to save the gifted Mr. Kurtz from his fate. We filled
the steamboat with it, and had to pile a lot on the deck. Thus he could see and
enjoy as long as he could see, because the appreciation of this favour had
remained with him to the last. You should have heard him say, 'My ivory.' Oh,
yes, I heard him. 'My Intended, my ivory, my station, my river, my -- '
everything belonged to him. It made me hold my breath in expectation of hearing
the wilderness burst into a prodigious peal of laughter that would shake the
fixed stars in their places. Everything belonged to him -- but that was a
trifle. The thing was to know what he belonged to, how many powers of darkness
claimed him for their own. That was the reflection that made you creepy all
over. It was impossible -- it was not good for one either -- trying to imagine.
He had taken a high seat amongst the devils of the land -- I mean literally.
You can't understand. How could you? -- with solid pavement under your feet,
surrounded by kind neighbours ready to cheer you or to fall on you, stepping
delicately between the butcher and the policeman, in the holy terror of scandal
and gallows and lunatic asylums -- how can you imagine what particular region
of the first ages a man's untrammelled feet may take him into by the way of
solitude -- utter solitude without a policeman -- by the way of silence --
utter silence, where no warning voice of a kind neighbour can be heard whispering
of public opinion? These little things make all the great difference. When they
are gone you must fall back upon your own innate strength, upon your own
capacity for faithfulness. Of course you may be too much of a fool to go wrong
-- too dull even to know you are being assaulted by the powers of darkness. I
take it, no fool ever made a bargain for his soul with the devil; the fool is
too much of a fool, or the devil too much of a devil -- I don't know which. Or
you may be such a thunderingly exalted creature as to be altogether deaf and
blind to anything but heavenly sights and sounds. Then the earth for you is
only a standing place -- and whether to be like this is your loss or your gain
I won't pretend to say. But most of us are neither one nor the other. The earth
for us is a place to live in, where we must put up with sights, with sounds,
with smells, too, by Jove! -- breathe dead hippo, so to speak, and not be
contaminated. And there, don't you see? Your strength comes in, the faith in
your ability for the digging of unostentatious holes to bury the stuff in --
your power of devotion, not to yourself, but to an obscure, back-breaking
business. And that's difficult enough. Mind, I am not trying to excuse or even
explain -- I am trying to account to myself for -- for -- Mr. Kurtz -- for the
shade of Mr. Kurtz. This initiated wraith from the back of Nowhere honoured me
with its amazing confidence before it vanished altogether. This was because it
could speak English to me. The original Kurtz had been educated partly in
England, and -- as he was good enough to say himself -- his sympathies were in
the right place. His mother was half- English, his father was half-French. All
Europe contributed to the making of Kurtz; and by and by I learned that, most appropriately,
the International Society for the Suppression of Savage Customs had intrusted
him with the making of a report, for its future guidance. And he had written
it, too. I've seen it. I've read it. It was eloquent, vibrating with eloquence,
but too high-strung, I think. Seventeen pages of close writing he had found
time for! But this must have been before his -- let us say -- nerves, went
wrong, and caused him to preside at certain midnight dances ending with
unspeakable rites, which -- as far as I reluctantly gathered from what I heard
at various times -- were offered up to him -- do you understand? -- to Mr.
Kurtz himself. But it was a beautiful piece of writing. The opening paragraph,
however, in the light of later information, strikes me now as ominous. He began
with the argument that we whites, from the point of development we had arrived
at, 'must necessarily appear to them [savages] in the nature of supernatural
beings -- we approach them with the might of a deity,' and so on, and so on.
'By the simple exercise of our will we can exert a power for good practically
unbounded,' etc., etc. From that point he soared and took me with him. The
peroration was magnificent, though difficult to remember, you know. It gave me
the notion of an exotic Immensity ruled by an august Benevolence. It made me
tingle with enthusiasm. This was the unbounded power of eloquence -- of words
-- of burning noble words. There were no practical hints to interrupt the magic
current of phrases, unless a kind of note at the foot of the last page,
scrawled evidently much later, in an unsteady hand, may be regarded as the
exposition of a method. It was very simple, and at the end of that moving
appeal to every altruistic sentiment it blazed at you, luminous and terrifying,
like a flash of lightning in a serene sky: 'Exterminate all the brutes!' The
curious part was that he had apparently forgotten all about that valuable
postscriptum, because, later on, when he in a sense came to himself, he
repeatedly entreated me to take good care of 'my pamphlet' (he called it), as
it was sure to have in the future a good influence upon his career. I had full
information about all these things, and, besides, as it turned out, I was to
have the care of his memory. I've done enough for it to give me the
indisputable right to lay it, if I choose, for an everlasting rest in the
dust-bin of progress, amongst all the sweepings and, figuratively speaking, all
the dead cats of civilization. But then, you see, I can't choose. He won't be
forgotten. Whatever he was, he was not common. He had the power to charm or
frighten rudimentary souls into an aggravated witch-dance in his honour; he
could also fill the small souls of the pilgrims with bitter misgivings: he had
one devoted friend at least, and he had conquered one soul in the world that
was neither rudimentary nor tainted with self- seeking. No; I can't forget him,
though I am not prepared to affirm the fellow was exactly worth the life we
lost in getting to him. I missed my late helmsman awfully -- I missed him even
while his body was still lying in the pilot-house. Perhaps you will think it
passing strange this regret for a savage who was no more account than a grain
of sand in a black Sahara. Well, don't you see, he had done something, he had
steered; for months I had him at my back -- a help -- an instrument. It was a
kind of partnership. He steered for me -- I had to look after him, I worried
about his deficiencies, and thus a subtle bond had been created, of which I
only became aware when it was suddenly broken. And the intimate profundity of
that look he gave me when he received his hurt remains to this day in my memory
-- like a claim of distant kinship affirmed in a supreme moment.
"Poor fool! If he
had only left that shutter alone. He had no restraint, no restraint -- just
like Kurtz -- a tree swayed by the wind. As soon as I had put on a dry pair of
slippers, I dragged him out, after first jerking the spear out of his side,
which operation I confess I performed with my eyes shut tight. His heels leaped
together over the little doorstep; his shoulders were pressed to my breast; I
hugged him from behind desperately. Oh! he was heavy, heavy; heavier than any
man on earth, I should imagine. Then without more ado I tipped him overboard.
The current snatched him as though he had been a wisp of grass, and I saw the
body roll over twice before I lost sight of it for ever. All the pilgrims and
the manager were then congregated on the awning-deck about the pilot-house,
chattering at each other like a flock of excited magpies, and there was a
scandalized murmur at my heartless promptitude. What they wanted to keep that
body hanging about for I can't guess. Embalm it, maybe. But I had also heard
another, and a very ominous, murmur on the deck below. My friends the
wood-cutters were likewise scandalized, and with a better show of reason --
though I admit that the reason itself was quite inadmissible. Oh, quite! I had
made up my mind that if my late helmsman was to be eaten, the fishes alone
should have him. He had been a very second-rate helmsman while alive, but now
he was dead he might have become a first-class temptation, and possibly cause
some startling trouble. Besides, I was anxious to take the wheel, the man in
pink pyjamas showing himself a hopeless duffer at the business.
"This I did
directly the simple funeral was over. We were going half-speed, keeping right
in the middle of the stream, and I listened to the talk about me. They had
given up Kurtz, they had given up the station; Kurtz was dead, and the station
had been burnt -- and so on -- and so on. The red-haired pilgrim was beside
himself with the thought that at least this poor Kurtz had been properly
avenged. 'Say! We must have made a glorious slaughter of them in the bush. Eh?
What do you think? Say?' He positively danced, the bloodthirsty little gingery
beggar. And he had nearly fainted when he saw the wounded man! I could not help
saying, 'You made a glorious lot of smoke, anyhow.' I had seen, from the way
the tops of the bushes rustled and flew, that almost all the shots had gone too
high. You can't hit anything unless you take aim and fire from the shoulder;
but these chaps fired from the hip with their eyes shut. The retreat, I
maintained -- and I was right -- was caused by the screeching of the steam
whistle. Upon this they forgot Kurtz, and began to howl at me with indignant
protests.
"The manager stood
by the wheel murmuring confidentially about the necessity of getting well away
down the river before dark at all events, when I saw in the distance a clearing
on the riverside and the outlines of some sort of building. 'What's this?' I
asked. He clapped his hands in wonder. 'The station!' he cried. I edged in at
once, still going half-speed.
"Through my
glasses I saw the slope of a hill interspersed with rare trees and perfectly
free from under- growth. A long decaying building on the summit was half buried
in the high grass; the large holes in the peaked roof gaped black from afar;
the jungle and the woods made a background. There was no enclosure or fence of
any kind; but there had been one apparently, for near the house half-a-dozen
slim posts remained in a row, roughly trimmed, and with their upper ends
ornamented with round carved balls. The rails, or whatever there had been
between, had disappeared. Of course the forest surrounded all that. The
river-bank was clear, and on the waterside I saw a white man under a hat like a
cart- wheel beckoning persistently with his whole arm. Examining the edge of
the forest above and below, I was almost certain I could see movements -- human
forms gliding here and there. I steamed past prudently, then stopped the
engines and let her drift down. The man on the shore began to shout, urging us
to land. 'We have been attacked,' screamed the manager. 'I know -- I know. It's
all right,' yelled back the other, as cheerful as you please. 'Come along. It's
all right. I am glad.'
"His aspect
reminded me of something I had seen -- something funny I had seen somewhere. As
I manoeuvred to get alongside, I was asking myself, 'What does this fellow look
like?' Suddenly I got it. He looked like a harlequin. His clothes had been made
of some stuff that was brown holland probably, but it was covered with patches
all over, with bright patches, blue, red, and yellow -- patches on the back,
patches on the front, patches on elbows, on knees; coloured binding around his
jacket, scarlet edging at the bottom of his trousers; and the sun- shine made
him look extremely gay and wonderfully neat withal, because you could see how beautifully
all this patching had been done. A beardless, boyish face, very fair, no
features to speak of, nose peeling, little blue eyes, smiles and frowns chasing
each other over that open countenance like sunshine and shadow on a wind-swept
plain. 'Look out, captain!' he cried; 'there's a snag lodged in here last
night.' What! Another snag? I confess I swore shamefully. I had nearly holed my
cripple, to finish off that charming trip. The harlequin on the bank turned his
little pug-nose up to me. 'You English?' he asked, all smiles. 'Are you?' I
shouted from the wheel. The smiles vanished, and he shook his head as if sorry
for my disappointment. Then he brightened up. 'Never mind!' he cried
encouragingly. 'Are we in time?' I asked. 'He is up there,' he replied, with a
toss of the head up the hill, and becoming gloomy all of a sudden. His face was
like the autumn sky, overcast one moment and bright the next.
"When the manager,
escorted by the pilgrims, all of them armed to the teeth, had gone to the house
this chap came on board. 'I say, I don't like this. These natives are in the
bush,' I said. He assured me earnestly it was all right. 'They are simple
people,' he added; 'well, I am glad you came. It took me all my time to keep
them off.' 'But you said it was all right,' I cried. 'Oh, they meant no harm,'
he said; and as I stared he corrected himself, 'Not exactly.' Then vivaciously,
'My faith, your pilot- house wants a clean-up!' In the next breath he advised
me to keep enough steam on the boiler to blow the whistle in case of any
trouble. 'One good screech will do more for you than all your rifles. They are
simple people,' he repeated. He rattled away at such a rate he quite
overwhelmed me. He seemed to be trying to make up for lots of silence, and
actually hinted, laughing, that such was the case. 'Don't you talk with Mr.
Kurtz?' I said. 'You don't talk with that man -- you listen to him,' he
exclaimed with severe exaltation. 'But now -- ' He waved his arm, and in the
twinkling of an eye was in the utter- most depths of despondency. In a moment
he came up again with a jump, possessed himself of both my hands, shook them
continuously, while he gabbled: 'Brother sailor . . . honour . . . pleasure . .
. delight . . . introduce myself . . . Russian . . . son of an arch-priest . .
. Government of Tambov . . . What? Tobacco! English tobacco; the excellent
English tobacco! Now, that's brotherly. Smoke? Where's a sailor that does not
smoke?"
"The pipe soothed
him, and gradually I made out he had run away from school, had gone to sea in a
Russian ship; ran away again; served some time in English ships; was now
reconciled with the arch-priest. He made a point of that. 'But when one is
young one must see things, gather experience, ideas; enlarge the mind.' 'Here!'
I interrupted. 'You can never tell! Here I met Mr. Kurtz,' he said, youthfully
solemn and reproachful. I held my tongue after that. It appears he had
persuaded a Dutch trading-house on the coast to fit him out with stores and
goods, and had started for the interior with a light heart and no more idea of
what would happen to him than a baby. He had been wandering about that river
for nearly two years alone, cut off from everybody and everything. 'I am not so
young as I look. I am twenty-five,' he said. 'At first old Van Shuyten would
tell me to go to the devil,' he narrated with keen enjoyment; 'but I stuck to
him, and talked and talked, till at last he got afraid I would talk the
hind-leg off his favourite dog, so he gave me some cheap things and a few guns,
and told me he hoped he would never see my face again. Good old Dutchman, Van
Shuyten. I've sent him one small lot of ivory a year ago, so that he can't call
me a little thief when I get back. I hope he got it. And for the rest I don't
care. I had some wood stacked for you. That was my old house. Did you see?'
"I gave him
Towson's book. He made as though he would kiss me, but restrained himself. 'The
only book I had left, and I thought I had lost it,' he said, looking at it
ecstatically. 'So many accidents happen to a man going about alone, you know.
Canoes get upset sometimes -- and sometimes you've got to clear out so quick
when the people get angry.' He thumbed the pages. 'You made notes in Russian?'
I asked. He nodded. 'I thought they were written in cipher,' I said. He
laughed, then became serious. 'I had lots of trouble to keep these people off,'
he said. 'Did they want to kill you?' I asked. 'Oh, no!' he cried, and checked
himself. 'Why did they attack us?' I pursued. He hesitated, then said shamefacedly,
'They don't want him to go.' 'Don't they?' I said curiously. He nodded a nod
full of mystery and wisdom. 'I tell you,' he cried, 'this man has enlarged my
mind.' He opened his arms wide, staring at me with his little blue eyes that
were perfectly round."
"I looked at him,
lost in astonishment. There he was before me, in motley, as though he had
absconded from a troupe of mimes, enthusiastic, fabulous. His very existence
was improbable, inexplicable, and altogether bewildering. He was an insoluble
problem. It was inconceivable how he had existed, how he had succeeded in
getting so far, how he had managed to remain -- why he did not instantly
disappear. 'I went a little farther,' he said, 'then still a little farther --
till I had gone so far that I don't know how I'll ever get back. Never mind.
Plenty time. I can manage. You take Kurtz away quick -- quick -- I tell you.'
The glamour of youth enveloped his parti-coloured rags, his destitution, his
loneliness, the essential desolation of his futile wanderings. For months --
for years -- his life hadn't been worth a day's purchase; and there he was
gallantly, thoughtlessly alive, to all appearances indestructible solely by the
virtue of his few years and of his unreflecting audacity. I was seduced into
something like admiration -- like envy. Glamour urged him on, glamour kept him
unscathed. He surely wanted nothing from the wilderness but space to breathe in
and to push on through. His need was to exist, and to move onwards at the
greatest possible risk, and with a maximum of privation. If the absolutely
pure, uncalculating, unpractical spirit of adventure had ever ruled a human
being, it ruled this bepatched youth. I almost envied him the possession of
this modest and clear flame. It seemed to have consumed all thought of self so
completely, that even while he was talking to you, you forgot that it was he --
the man before your eyes -- who had gone through these things. I did not envy
him his devotion to Kurtz, though. He had not meditated over it. It came to
him, and he accepted it with a sort of eager fatalism. I must say that to me it
appeared about the most dangerous thing in every way he had come upon so far.
"They had come
together unavoidably, like two ships becalmed near each other, and lay rubbing
sides at last. I suppose Kurtz wanted an audience, because on a certain
occasion, when encamped in the forest, they had talked all night, or more
probably Kurtz had talked. 'We talked of everything,' he said, quite
transported at the recollection. 'I forgot there was such a thing as sleep. The
night did not seem to last an hour. Everything! Everything! . . . Of love,
too.' 'Ah, he talked to you of love!' I said, much amused. 'It isn't what you
think,' he cried, almost passionately. 'It was in general. He made me see
things -- things.'
"He threw his arms
up. We were on deck at the time, and the headman of my wood-cutters, lounging
near by, turned upon him his heavy and glittering eyes. I looked around, and I
don't know why, but I assure you that never, never before, did this land, this
river, this jungle, the very arch of this blazing sky, appear to me so hopeless
and so dark, so impenetrable to human thought, so pitiless to human weakness.
'And, ever since, you have been with him, of course?' I said.
"On the contrary.
It appears their intercourse had been very much broken by various causes. He
had, as he informed me proudly, managed to nurse Kurtz through two illnesses
(he alluded to it as you would to some risky feat), but as a rule Kurtz wandered
alone, far in the depths of the forest. 'Very often coming to this station, I
had to wait days and days before he would turn up,' he said. 'Ah, it was worth
waiting for! -- sometimes.' 'What was he doing? exploring or what?' I asked.
'Oh, yes, of course'; he had discovered lots of villages, a lake, too -- he did
not know exactly in what direction; it was dangerous to inquire too much -- but
mostly his expeditions had been for ivory. 'But he had no goods to trade with
by that time,' I objected. 'There's a good lot of cartridges left even yet,' he
answered, looking away. 'To speak plainly, he raided the country,' I said. He
nodded. 'Not alone, surely!' He muttered something about the villages round
that lake. 'Kurtz got the tribe to follow him, did he?' I suggested. He
fidgeted a little. 'They adored him,' he said. The tone of these words was so
extraordinary that I looked at him searchingly. It was curious to see his
mingled eagerness and reluctance to speak of Kurtz. The man filled his life,
occupied his thoughts, swayed his emotions. 'What can you expect?' he burst
out; 'he came to them with thunder and lightning, you know -- and they had
never seen anything like it -- and very terrible. He could be very terrible.
You can't judge Mr. Kurtz as you would an ordinary man. No, no, no! Now -- just
to give you an idea -- I don't mind telling you, he wanted to shoot me, too,
one day -- but I don't judge him.' 'Shoot you!' I cried 'What for?' 'Well, I
had a small lot of ivory the chief of that village near my house gave me. You
see I used to shoot game for them. Well, he wanted it, and wouldn't hear
reason. He declared he would shoot me unless I gave him the ivory and then
cleared out of the country, because he could do so, and had a fancy for it, and
there was nothing on earth to prevent him killing whom he jolly well pleased.
And it was true, too. I gave him the ivory. What did I care! But I didn't clear
out. No, no. I couldn't leave him. I had to be careful, of course, till we got
friendly again for a time. He had his second illness then. Afterwards I had to
keep out of the way; but I didn't mind. He was living for the most part in
those villages on the lake. When he came down to the river, sometimes he would
take to me, and sometimes it was better for me to be careful. This man suffered
too much. He hated all this, and somehow he couldn't get away. When I had a
chance I begged him to try and leave while there was time; I offered to go back
with him. And he would say yes, and then he would remain; go off on another
ivory hunt; disappear for weeks; forget himself amongst these people -- forget
himself -- you know.' 'Why! he's mad,' I said. He protested indignantly. Mr.
Kurtz couldn't be mad. If I had heard him talk, only two days ago, I wouldn't
dare hint at such a thing. . . . I had taken up my binoculars while we talked,
and was looking at the shore, sweeping the limit of the forest at each side and
at the back of the house. The consciousness of there being people in that bush,
so silent, so quiet -- as silent and quiet as the ruined house on the hill --
made me uneasy. There was no sign on the face of nature of this amazing tale
that was not so much told as suggested to me in desolate exclamations,
completed by shrugs, in interrupted phrases, in hints ending in deep sighs. The
woods were unmoved, like a mask -- heavy, like the closed door of a prison --
they looked with their air of hidden knowledge, of patient expectation, of
unapproachable silence. The Russian was explaining to me that it was only
lately that Mr. Kurtz had come down to the river, bringing along with him all
the fighting men of that lake tribe. He had been absent for several months --
getting himself adored, I suppose -- and had come down unexpectedly, with the
intention to all appearance of making a raid either across the river or down
stream. Evidently the appetite for more ivory had got the better of the -- what
shall I say? -- less material aspirations. However he had got much worse
suddenly. 'I heard he was lying helpless, and so I came up -- took my chance,'
said the Russian. 'Oh, he is bad, very bad.' I directed my glass to the house.
There were no signs of life, but there was the ruined roof, the long mud wall
peeping above the grass, with three little square window-holes, no two of the
same size; all this brought within reach of my hand, as it were. And then I
made a brusque movement, and one of the remaining posts of that vanished fence
leaped up in the field of my glass. You remember I told you I had been struck
at the distance by certain attempts at ornamentation, rather remarkable in the
ruinous aspect of the place. Now I had suddenly a nearer view, and its first
result was to make me throw my head back as if before a blow. Then I went
carefully from post to post with my glass, and I saw my mistake. These round
knobs were not ornamental but symbolic; they were expressive and puzzling,
striking and disturbing -- food for thought and also for vultures if there had
been any looking down from the sky; but at all events for such ants as were industrious
enough to ascend the pole. They would have been even more impressive, those
heads on the stakes, if their faces had not been turned to the house. Only one,
the first I had made out, was facing my way. I was not so shocked as you may
think. The start back I had given was really nothing but a movement of
surprise. I had expected to see a knob of wood there, you know. I returned
deliberately to the first I had seen -- and there it was, black, dried, sunken,
with closed eyelids -- a head that seemed to sleep at the top of that pole,
and, with the shrunken dry lips showing a narrow white line of the teeth, was
smiling, too, smiling continuously at some endless and jocose dream of that
eternal slumber.
"I am not
disclosing any trade secrets. In fact, the manager said afterwards that Mr.
Kurtz's methods had ruined the district. I have no opinion on that point, but I
want you clearly to understand that there was nothing exactly profitable in
these heads being there. They only showed that Mr. Kurtz lacked restraint in
the gratification of his various lusts, that there was something wanting in him
-- some small matter which, when the pressing need arose, could not be found
under his magnificent eloquence. Whether he knew of this deficiency himself I
can't say. I think the knowledge came to him at last -- only at the very last.
But the wilderness had found him out early, and had taken on him a terrible
vengeance for the fantastic invasion. I think it had whispered to him things
about himself which he did not know, things of which he had no conception till
he took counsel with this great solitude -- and the whisper had proved
irresistibly fascinating. It echoed loudly within him because he was hollow at
the core. . . . I put down the glass, and the head that had appeared near
enough to be spoken to seemed at once to have leaped away from me into
inaccessible distance.
"The admirer of
Mr. Kurtz was a bit crestfallen. In a hurried, indistinct voice he began to
assure me he had not dared to take these -- say, symbols -- down. He was not
afraid of the natives; they would not stir till Mr. Kurtz gave the word. His
ascendancy was extraordinary. The camps of these people surrounded the place,
and the chiefs came every day to see him. They would crawl. . . . 'I don't want
to know anything of the ceremonies used when approaching Mr. Kurtz,' I shouted.
Curious, this feeling that came over me that such details would be more
intolerable than those heads drying on the stakes under Mr. Kurtz's windows.
After all, that was only a savage sight, while I seemed at one bound to have
been transported into some lightless region of subtle horrors, where pure,
uncomplicated savagery was a positive relief, being something that had a right
to exist -- obviously -- in the sunshine. The young man looked at me with
surprise. I suppose it did not occur to him that Mr. Kurtz was no idol of mine.
He forgot I hadn't heard any of these splendid monologues on, what was it? on
love, justice, conduct of life -- or what not. If it had come to crawling before
Mr. Kurtz, he crawled as much as the veriest savage of them all. I had no idea
of the conditions, he said: these heads were the heads of rebels. I shocked him
excessively by laughing. Rebels! What would be the next definition I was to
hear? There had been enemies, criminals, workers -- and these were rebels.
Those rebellious heads looked very subdued to me on their sticks. 'You don't
know how such a life tries a man like Kurtz,' cried Kurtz's last disciple.
'Well, and you?' I said. 'I! I! I am a simple man. I have no great thoughts. I
want nothing from anybody. How can you compare me to . . . ?' His feelings were
too much for speech, and suddenly he broke down. 'I don't understand,' he
groaned. 'I've been doing my best to keep him alive, and that's enough. I had
no hand in all this. I have no abilities. There hasn't been a drop of medicine
or a mouthful of invalid food for months here. He was shamefully abandoned. A
man like this, with such ideas. Shamefully! Shamefully! I -- I -- haven't slept
for the last ten nights . . .'
"His voice lost
itself in the calm of the evening. The long shadows of the forest had slipped
downhill while we talked, had gone far beyond the ruined hovel, beyond the
symbolic row of stakes. All this was in the gloom, while we down there were yet
in the sunshine, and the stretch of the river abreast of the clearing glittered
in a still and dazzling splendour, with a murky and overshadowed bend above and
below. Not a living soul was seen on the shore. The bushes did not rustle.
"Suddenly round
the corner of the house a group of men appeared, as though they had come up
from the ground. They waded waist-deep in the grass, in a compact body, bearing
an improvised stretcher in their midst. Instantly, in the emptiness of the
landscape, a cry arose whose shrillness pierced the still air like a sharp
arrow flying straight to the very heart of the land; and, as if by enchantment,
streams of human beings -- of naked human beings -- with spears in their hands,
with bows, with shields, with wild glances and savage movements, were poured
into the clearing by the dark-faced and pensive forest. The bushes shook, the
grass swayed for a time, and then everything stood still in attentive
immobility.
"'Now, if he does
not say the right thing to them we are all done for,' said the Russian at my
elbow. The knot of men with the stretcher had stopped, too, halfway to the
steamer, as if petrified. I saw the man on the stretcher sit up, lank and with
an uplifted arm, above the shoulders of the bearers. 'Let us hope that the man
who can talk so well of love in general will find some particular reason to
spare us this time,' I said. I resented bitterly the absurd danger of our
situation, as if to be at the mercy of that atrocious phantom had been a
dishonouring necessity. I could not hear a sound, but through my glasses I saw
the thin arm extended commandingly, the lower jaw moving, the eyes of that
apparition shining darkly far in its bony head that nodded with grotesque
jerks. Kurtz -- Kurtz -- that means short in German -- don't it? Well, the name
was as true as everything else in his life -- and death. He looked at least
seven feet long. His covering had fallen off, and his body emerged from it
pitiful and appalling as from a winding-sheet. I could see the cage of his ribs
all astir, the bones of his arm waving. It was as though an animated image of
death carved out of old ivory had been shaking its hand with menaces at a
motionless crowd of men made of dark and glittering bronze. I saw him open his
mouth wide -- it gave him a weirdly voracious aspect, as though he had wanted
to swallow all the air, all the earth, all the men before him. A deep voice
reached me faintly. He must have been shouting. He fell back suddenly. The
stretcher shook as the bearers staggered forward again, and almost at the same
time I noticed that the crowd of savages was vanishing without any perceptible
movement of retreat, as if the forest that had ejected these beings so suddenly
had drawn them in again as the breath is drawn in a long aspiration.
"Some of the
pilgrims behind the stretcher carried his arms -- two shot-guns, a heavy rifle,
and a light revolver- carbine -- the thunderbolts of that pitiful Jupiter. The
manager bent over him murmuring as he walked beside his head. They laid him
down in one of the little cabins -- just a room for a bed place and a
camp-stool or two, you know. We had brought his belated correspondence, and a
lot of torn envelopes and open letters littered his bed. His hand roamed feebly
amongst these papers. I was struck by the fire of his eyes and the composed
languor of his expression. It was not so much the exhaustion of disease. He did
not seem in pain. This shadow looked satiated and calm, as though for the
moment it had had its fill of all the emotions.
"He rustled one of
the letters, and looking straight in my face said, 'I am glad.' Somebody had
been writing to him about me. These special recommendations were turning up
again. The volume of tone he emitted without effort, almost without the trouble
of moving his lips, amazed me. A voice! a voice! It was grave, profound,
vibrating, while the man did not seem capable of a whisper. However, he had
enough strength in him -- factitious no doubt -- to very nearly make an end of
us, as you shall hear directly.
"The manager
appeared silently in the doorway; I stepped out at once and he drew the curtain
after me. The Russian, eyed curiously by the pilgrims, was staring at the
shore. I followed the direction of his glance.
"Dark human shapes
could be made out in the distance, flitting indistinctly against the gloomy
border of the forest, and near the river two bronze figures, leaning on tall
spears, stood in the sunlight under fantastic head-dresses of spotted skins,
warlike and still in statuesque repose. And from right to left along the
lighted shore moved a wild and gorgeous apparition of a woman.
"She walked with
measured steps, draped in striped and fringed cloths, treading the earth
proudly, with a slight jingle and flash of barbarous ornaments. She carried her
head high; her hair was done in the shape of a helmet; she had brass leggings
to the knee, brass wire gauntlets to the elbow, a crimson spot on her tawny
cheek, innumerable necklaces of glass beads on her neck; bizarre things,
charms, gifts of witch-men, that hung about her, glittered and trembled at
every step. She must have had the value of several elephant tusks upon her. She
was savage and superb, wild-eyed and magnificent; there was something ominous
and stately in her deliberate progress. And in the hush that had fallen
suddenly upon the whole sorrowful land, the immense wilderness, the colossal
body of the fecund and mysterious life seemed to look at her, pensive, as
though it had been looking at the image of its own tenebrous and passionate
soul.
"She came abreast
of the steamer, stood still, and faced us. Her long shadow fell to the water's
edge. Her face had a tragic and fierce aspect of wild sorrow and of dumb pain
mingled with the fear of some struggling, half- shaped resolve. She stood
looking at us without a stir, and like the wilderness itself, with an air of
brooding over an inscrutable purpose. A whole minute passed, and then she made
a step forward. There was a low jingle, a glint of yellow metal, a sway of
fringed draperies, and she stopped as if her heart had failed her. The young
fellow by my side growled. The pilgrims murmured at my back. She looked at us
all as if her life had depended upon the unswerving steadiness of her glance.
Suddenly she opened her bared arms and threw them up rigid above her head, as
though in an uncontrollable desire to touch the sky, and at the same time the
swift shadows darted out on the earth, swept around on the river, gathering the
steamer into a shadowy embrace. A formidable silence hung over the scene.
"She turned away
slowly, walked on, following the bank, and passed into the bushes to the left.
Once only her eyes gleamed back at us in the dusk of the thickets before she
disappeared.
"'If she had
offered to come aboard I really think I would have tried to shoot her,' said
the man of patches, nervously. 'I have been risking my life every day for the
last fortnight to keep her out of the house. She got in one day and kicked up a
row about those miserable rags I picked up in the storeroom to mend my clothes
with. I wasn't decent. At least it must have been that, for she talked like a
fury to Kurtz for an hour, pointing at me now and then. I don't understand the
dialect of this tribe. Luckily for me, I fancy Kurtz felt too ill that day to
care, or there would have been mischief. I don't understand. . . . No -- it's
too much for me. Ah, well, it's all over now.'
"At this moment I
heard Kurtz's deep voice behind the curtain: 'Save me! -- save the ivory, you
mean. Don't tell me. Save ME! Why, I've had to save you. You are interrupting
my plans now. Sick! Sick! Not so sick as you would like to believe. Never mind.
I'll carry my ideas out yet -- I will return. I'll show you what can be done.
You with your little peddling notions -- you are interfering with me. I will
return. I. . . .'
"The manager came
out. He did me the honour to take me under the arm and lead me aside. 'He is
very low, very low,' he said. He considered it necessary to sigh, but neglected
to be consistently sorrowful. 'We have done all we could for him -- haven't we?
But there is no disguising the fact, Mr. Kurtz has done more harm than good to
the Company. He did not see the time was not ripe for vigorous action.
Cautiously, cautiously -- that's my principle. We must be cautious yet. The
district is closed to us for a time. Deplorable! Upon the whole, the trade will
suffer. I don't deny there is a remarkable quantity of ivory -- mostly fossil.
We must save it, at all events -- but look how precarious the position is --
and why? Because the method is unsound.' 'Do you,' said I, looking at the
shore, 'call it "unsound method?"' 'Without doubt,' he exclaimed
hotly. 'Don't you?' . . . 'No method at all,' I murmured after a while.
'Exactly,' he exulted. 'I anticipated this. Shows a complete want of judgment.
It is my duty to point it out in the proper quarter.' 'Oh,' said I, 'that
fellow -- what's his name? -- the brickmaker, will make a readable report for
you.' He appeared confounded for a moment. It seemed to me I had never breathed
an atmosphere so vile, and I turned mentally to Kurtz for relief -- positively
for relief. 'Nevertheless I think Mr. Kurtz is a remarkable man,' I said with
emphasis. He started, dropped on me a heavy glance, said very quietly, 'he
WAS,' and turned his back on me. My hour of favour was over; I found myself
lumped along with Kurtz as a partisan of methods for which the time was not
ripe: I was unsound! Ah! but it was something to have at least a choice of
nightmares.
"I had turned to
the wilderness really, not to Mr. Kurtz, who, I was ready to admit, was as good
as buried. And for a moment it seemed to me as if I also were buried in a vast
grave full of unspeakable secrets. I felt an intolerable weight oppressing my
breast, the smell of the damp earth, the unseen presence of victorious
corruption, the darkness of an impenetrable night. . . . The Russian tapped me
on the shoulder. I heard him mumbling and stammering something about 'brother
seaman -- couldn't conceal -- knowledge of matters that would affect Mr.
Kurtz's reputation.' I waited. For him evidently Mr. Kurtz was not in his
grave; I suspect that for him Mr. Kurtz was one of the immortals. 'Well!' said
I at last, 'speak out. As it happens, I am Mr. Kurtz's friend -- in a way.'
"He stated with a
good deal of formality that had we not been 'of the same profession,' he would
have kept the matter to himself without regard to consequences. 'He suspected
there was an active ill-will towards him on the part of these white men that --
' 'You are right,' I said, remembering a certain conversation I had over-
heard. 'The manager thinks you ought to be hanged.' He showed a concern at this
intelligence which amused me at first. 'I had better get out of the way
quietly,' he said earnestly. 'I can do no more for Kurtz now, and they would
soon find some excuse. What's to stop them? There's a military post three
hundred miles from here.' 'Well, upon my word,' said I, 'perhaps you had better
go if you have any friends amongst the savages near by.' 'Plenty,' he said. 'They
are simple people -- and I want nothing, you know.' He stood biting his lip,
then: 'I don't want any harm to happen to these whites here, but of course I
was thinking of Mr. Kurtz's reputation -- but you are a brother seaman and -- '
'All right,' said I, after a time. 'Mr. Kurtz's reputation is safe with me.' I
did not know how truly I spoke.
"He informed me,
lowering his voice, that it was Kurtz who had ordered the attack to be made on
the steamer. 'He hated sometimes the idea of being taken away -- and then
again. . . . But I don't understand these matters. I am a simple man. He
thought it would scare you away -- that you would give it up, thinking him
dead. I could not stop him. Oh, I had an awful time of it this last month.'
'Very well,' I said. 'He is all right now.' 'Ye-e-es,' he muttered, not very
convinced apparently. 'Thanks,' said I; 'I shall keep my eyes open.' 'But
quiet-eh?' he urged anxiously. 'It would be awful for his reputation if anybody
here -- ' I promised a complete discretion with great gravity. 'I have a canoe
and three black fellows waiting not very far. I am off. Could you give me a few
Martini- Henry cartridges?' I could, and did, with proper secrecy. He helped
himself, with a wink at me, to a handful of my tobacco. 'Between sailors -- you
know -- good English tobacco.' At the door of the pilot-house he turned round
-- 'I say, haven't you a pair of shoes you could spare?' He raised one leg.
'Look.' The soles were tied with knotted strings sandalwise under his bare
feet. I rooted out an old pair, at which he looked with admiration before
tucking it under his left arm. One of his pockets (bright red) was bulging with
cartridges, from the other (dark blue) peeped 'Towson's Inquiry,' etc., etc. He
seemed to think himself excellently well equipped for a renewed encounter with
the wilderness. 'Ah! I'll never, never meet such a man again. You ought to have
heard him recite poetry -- his own, too, it was, he told me. Poetry!' He rolled
his eyes at the recollection of these delights. 'Oh, he enlarged my mind!'
'Good-bye,' said I. He shook hands and vanished in the night. Sometimes I ask
myself whether I had ever really seen him -- whether it was possible to meet
such a phenomenon! . . .
"When I woke up
shortly after midnight his warning came to my mind with its hint of danger that
seemed, in the starred darkness, real enough to make me get up for the purpose
of having a look round. On the hill a big fire burned, illuminating fitfully a
crooked corner of the station-house. One of the agents with a picket of a few
of our blacks, armed for the purpose, was keeping guard over the ivory; but
deep within the forest, red gleams that wavered, that seemed to sink and rise
from the ground amongst confused columnar shapes of intense blackness, showed the
exact position of the camp where Mr. Kurtz's adorers were keeping their uneasy
vigil. The monotonous beating of a big drum filled the air with muffled shocks
and a lingering vibration. A steady droning sound of many men chanting each to
himself some weird incantation came out from the black, flat wall of the woods
as the humming of bees comes out of a hive, and had a strange narcotic effect
upon my half-awake senses. I believe I dozed off leaning over the rail, till an
abrupt burst of yells, an overwhelming outbreak of a pent-up and mysterious
frenzy, woke me up in a bewildered wonder. It was cut short all at once, and
the low droning went on with an effect of audible and soothing silence. I
glanced casually into the little cabin. A light was burning within, but Mr.
Kurtz was not there.
"I think I would
have raised an outcry if I had believed my eyes. But I didn't believe them at
first -- the thing seemed so impossible. The fact is I was completely unnerved
by a sheer blank fright, pure abstract terror, unconnected with any distinct
shape of physical danger. What made this emotion so overpowering was -- how
shall I define it? -- the moral shock I received, as if something altogether
monstrous, intolerable to thought and odious to the soul, had been thrust upon
me unexpectedly. This lasted of course the merest fraction of a second, and
then the usual sense of commonplace, deadly danger, the possibility of a sudden
onslaught and massacre, or something of the kind, which I saw impending, was
positively welcome and composing. It pacified me, in fact, so much that I did
not raise an alarm.
"There was an
agent buttoned up inside an ulster and sleeping on a chair on deck within three
feet of me. The yells had not awakened him; he snored very slightly; I left him
to his slumbers and leaped ashore. I did not betray Mr. Kurtz -- it was ordered
I should never betray him -- it was written I should be loyal to the nightmare
of my choice. I was anxious to deal with this shadow by myself alone -- and to
this day I don't know why I was so jealous of sharing with any one the peculiar
blackness of that experience.
"As soon as I got
on the bank I saw a trail -- a broad trail through the grass. I remember the
exultation with which I said to myself, 'He can't walk -- he is crawling on
all-fours -- I've got him.' The grass was wet with dew. I strode rapidly with clenched
fists. I fancy I had some vague notion of falling upon him and giving him a
drubbing. I don't know. I had some imbecile thoughts. The knitting old woman
with the cat obtruded herself upon my memory as a most improper person to be
sitting at the other end of such an affair. I saw a row of pilgrims squirting
lead in the air out of Winchesters held to the hip. I thought I would never get
back to the steamer, and imagined myself living alone and unarmed in the woods
to an advanced age. Such silly things -- you know. And I remember I confounded
the beat of the drum with the beating of my heart, and was pleased at its calm
regularity.
"I kept to the
track though -- then stopped to listen. The night was very clear; a dark blue
space, sparkling with dew and starlight, in which black things stood very
still. I thought I could see a kind of motion ahead of me. I was strangely
cocksure of everything that night. I actually left the track and ran in a wide
semicircle (I verily believe chuckling to myself) so as to get in front of that
stir, of that motion I had seen -- if indeed I had seen anything. I was
circumventing Kurtz as though it had been a boyish game.
"I came upon him,
and, if he had not heard me coming, I would have fallen over him, too, but he
got up in time. He rose, unsteady, long, pale, indistinct, like a vapour
exhaled by the earth, and swayed slightly, misty and silent before me; while at
my back the fires loomed between the trees, and the murmur of many voices
issued from the forest. I had cut him off cleverly; but when actually
confronting him I seemed to come to my senses, I saw the danger in its right
proportion. It was by no means over yet. Suppose he began to shout? Though he
could hardly stand, there was still plenty of vigour in his voice. 'Go away --
hide yourself,' he said, in that profound tone. It was very awful. I glanced
back. We were within thirty yards from the nearest fire. A black figure stood
up, strode on long black legs, waving long black arms, across the glow. It had
horns -- antelope horns, I think -- on its head. Some sorcerer, some witch-man,
no doubt: it looked fiendlike enough. 'Do you know what you are doing?' I
whispered. 'Perfectly,' he answered, raising his voice for that single word: it
sounded to me far off and yet loud, like a hail through a speaking-trumpet. 'If
he makes a row we are lost,' I thought to myself. This clearly was not a case
for fisticuffs, even apart from the very natural aversion I had to beat that
Shadow -- this wandering and tormented thing. 'You will be lost,' I said --
'utterly lost.' One gets sometimes such a flash of inspiration, you know. I did
say the right thing, though indeed he could not have been more irretrievably
lost than he was at this very moment, when the foundations of our intimacy were
being laid -- to endure -- to endure -- even to the end -- even beyond.
"'I had immense
plans,' he muttered irresolutely. 'Yes,' said I; 'but if you try to shout I'll
smash your head with -- ' There was not a stick or a stone near. 'I will
throttle you for good,' I corrected myself. 'I was on the threshold of great
things,' he pleaded, in a voice of longing, with a wistfulness of tone that
made my blood run cold. 'And now for this stupid scoundrel -- ' 'Your success
in Europe is assured in any case,' I affirmed steadily. I did not want to have
the throttling of him, you understand -- and indeed it would have been very
little use for any practical purpose. I tried to break the spell -- the heavy,
mute spell of the wilderness -- that seemed to draw him to its pitiless breast
by the awakening of forgotten and brutal instincts, by the memory of gratified
and monstrous passions. This alone, I was convinced, had driven him out to the
edge of the forest, to the bush, towards the gleam of fires, the throb of drums,
the drone of weird incantations; this alone had beguiled his unlawful soul
beyond the bounds of permitted aspirations. And, don't you see, the terror of
the position was not in being knocked on the head -- though I had a very lively
sense of that danger, too -- but in this, that I had to deal with a being to
whom I could not appeal in the name of anything high or low. I had, even like
the niggers, to invoke him -- himself -- his own exalted and incredible
degradation. There was nothing either above or below him, and I knew it. He had
kicked himself loose of the earth. Confound the man! he had kicked the very
earth to pieces. He was alone, and I before him did not know whether I stood on
the ground or floated in the air. I've been telling you what we said --
repeating the phrases we pronounced -- but what's the good? They were common
everyday words -- the familiar, vague sounds exchanged on every waking day of
life. But what of that? They had behind them, to my mind, the terrific
suggestiveness of words heard in dreams, of phrases spoken in nightmares. Soul!
If anybody ever struggled with a soul, I am the man. And I wasn't arguing with
a lunatic either. Believe me or not, his intelligence was perfectly clear --
concentrated, it is true, upon himself with horrible intensity, yet clear; and
therein was my only chance -- barring, of course, the killing him there and
then, which wasn't so good, on account of unavoidable noise. But his soul was
mad. Being alone in the wilderness, it had looked within itself, and, by
heavens! I tell you, it had gone mad. I had -- for my sins, I suppose -- to go
through the ordeal of looking into it myself. No eloquence could have been so
withering to one's belief in mankind as his final burst of sincerity. He
struggled with himself, too. I saw it -- I heard it. I saw the inconceivable
mystery of a soul that knew no restraint, no faith, and no fear, yet struggling
blindly with itself. I kept my head pretty well; but when I had him at last
stretched on the couch, I wiped my forehead, while my legs shook under me as
though I had carried half a ton on my back down that hill. And yet I had only
supported him, his bony arm clasped round my neck -- and he was not much
heavier than a child.
"When next day we
left at noon, the crowd, of whose presence behind the curtain of trees I had
been acutely conscious all the time, flowed out of the woods again, filled the
clearing, covered the slope with a mass of naked, breathing, quivering, bronze
bodies. I steamed up a bit, then swung down stream, and two thousand eyes
followed the evolutions of the splashing, thumping, fierce river-demon beating
the water with its terrible tail and breathing black smoke into the air. In
front of the first rank, along the river, three men, plastered with bright red
earth from head to foot, strutted to and fro restlessly. When we came abreast
again, they faced the river, stamped their feet, nodded their horned heads,
swayed their scarlet bodies; they shook towards the fierce river- demon a bunch
of black feathers, a mangy skin with a pendent tail -- something that looked a
dried gourd; they shouted periodically together strings of amazing words that
resembled no sounds of human language; and the deep murmurs of the crowd,
interrupted suddenly, were like the responses of some satanic litany.
"We had carried
Kurtz into the pilot-house: there was more air there. Lying on the couch, he
stared through the open shutter. There was an eddy in the mass of human bodies,
and the woman with helmeted head and tawny cheeks rushed out to the very brink
of the stream. She put out her hands, shouted something, and all that wild mob
took up the shout in a roaring chorus of articulated, rapid, breathless
utterance.
"'Do you
understand this?' I asked.
"He kept on
looking out past me with fiery, longing eyes, with a mingled expression of
wistfulness and hate. He made no answer, but I saw a smile, a smile of
indefinable meaning, appear on his colourless lips that a moment after twitched
convulsively. 'Do I not?' he said slowly, gasping, as if the words had been
torn out of him by a supernatural power.
"I pulled the
string of the whistle, and I did this because I saw the pilgrims on deck
getting out their rifles with an air of anticipating a jolly lark. At the
sudden screech there was a movement of abject terror through that wedged mass
of bodies. 'Don't! don't you frighten them away,' cried some one on deck
disconsolately. I pulled the string time after time. They broke and ran, they
leaped, they crouched, they swerved, they dodged the flying terror of the
sound. The three red chaps had fallen flat, face down on the shore, as though
they had been shot dead. Only the barbarous and superb woman did not so much as
flinch, and stretched tragically her bare arms after us over the sombre and glittering
river.
"And then that
imbecile crowd down on the deck started their little fun, and I could see
nothing more for smoke.
"The brown current
ran swiftly out of the heart of darkness, bearing us down towards the sea with
twice the speed of our upward progress; and Kurtz's life was running swiftly,
too, ebbing, ebbing out of his heart into the sea of inexorable time. The
manager was very placid, he had no vital anxieties now, he took us both in with
a comprehensive and satisfied glance: the 'affair' had come off as well as
could be wished. I saw the time approaching when I would be left alone of the
party of 'unsound method.' The pilgrims looked upon me with disfavour. I was,
so to speak, numbered with the dead. It is strange how I accepted this unforeseen
partnership, this choice of nightmares forced upon me in the tenebrous land
invaded by these mean and greedy phantoms.
"Kurtz discoursed.
A voice! a voice! It rang deep to the very last. It survived his strength to
hide in the magnificent folds of eloquence the barren darkness of his heart.
Oh, he struggled! he struggled! The wastes of his weary brain were haunted by
shadowy images now -- images of wealth and fame revolving obsequiously round
his unextinguishable gift of noble and lofty expression. My Intended, my
station, my career, my ideas -- these were the subjects for the occasional
utterances of elevated sentiments. The shade of the original Kurtz frequented
the bedside of the hollow sham, whose fate it was to be buried presently in the
mould of primeval earth. But both the diabolic love and the unearthly hate of
the mysteries it had penetrated fought for the possession of that soul satiated
with primitive emotions, avid of lying fame, of sham distinction, of all the
appearances of success and power.
"Sometimes he was
contemptibly childish. He desired to have kings meet him at railway-stations on
his return from some ghastly Nowhere, where he intended to accomplish great
things. 'You show them you have in you something that is really profitable, and
then there will be no limits to the recognition of your ability,' he would say.
'Of course you must take care of the motives -- right motives -- always.' The
long reaches that were like one and the same reach, monotonous bends that were
exactly alike, slipped past the steamer with their multitude of secular trees
looking patiently after this grimy fragment of another world, the forerunner of
change, of conquest, of trade, of massacres, of blessings. I looked ahead --
piloting. 'Close the shutter,' said Kurtz suddenly one day; 'I can't bear to
look at this.' I did so. There was a silence. 'Oh, but I will wring your heart
yet!' he cried at the invisible wilderness.
"We broke down --
as I had expected -- and had to lie up for repairs at the head of an island.
This delay was the first thing that shook Kurtz's confidence. One morning he
gave me a packet of papers and a photograph -- the lot tied together with a
shoe-string. 'Keep this for me,' he said. 'This noxious fool' (meaning the
manager) 'is capable of prying into my boxes when I am not looking.' In the
afternoon I saw him. He was lying on his back with closed eyes, and I withdrew
quietly, but I heard him mutter, 'Live rightly, die, die . . .' I listened.
There was nothing more. Was he rehearsing some speech in his sleep, or was it a
fragment of a phrase from some newspaper article? He had been writing for the
papers and meant to do so again, 'for the furthering of my ideas. It's a duty.'
"His was an
impenetrable darkness. I looked at him as you peer down at a man who is lying
at the bottom of a precipice where the sun never shines. But I had not much
time to give him, because I was helping the engine-driver to take to pieces the
leaky cylinders, to straighten a bent connecting-rod, and in other such matters.
I lived in an infernal mess of rust, filings, nuts, bolts, spanners, hammers,
ratchet-drills -- things I abominate, because I don't get on with them. I
tended the little forge we fortunately had aboard; I toiled wearily in a
wretched scrap-heap -- unless I had the shakes too bad to stand.
"One evening
coming in with a candle I was startled to hear him say a little tremulously, 'I
am lying here in the dark waiting for death.' The light was within a foot of
his eyes. I forced myself to murmur, 'Oh, nonsense!' and stood over him as if
transfixed.
"Anything
approaching the change that came over his features I have never seen before,
and hope never to see again. Oh, I wasn't touched. I was fascinated. It was as
though a veil had been rent. I saw on that ivory face the expression of sombre
pride, of ruthless power, of craven terror -- of an intense and hopeless
despair. Did he live his life again in every detail of desire, temptation, and
surrender during that supreme moment of complete knowledge? He cried in a
whisper at some image, at some vision -- he cried out twice, a cry that was no
more than a breath:
"'The horror! The
horror!'
"I blew the candle
out and left the cabin. The pilgrims were dining in the mess-room, and I took
my place opposite the manager, who lifted his eyes to give me a questioning
glance, which I successfully ignored. He leaned back, serene, with that
peculiar smile of his sealing the unexpressed depths of his meanness. A
continuous shower of small flies streamed upon the lamp, upon the cloth, upon
our hands and faces. Suddenly the manager's boy put his insolent black head in
the doorway, and said in a tone of scathing contempt:
"'Mistah Kurtz --
he dead.'
"All the pilgrims
rushed out to see. I remained, and went on with my dinner. I believe I was
considered brutally callous. However, I did not eat much. There was a lamp in
there -- light, don't you know -- and outside it was so beastly, beastly dark.
I went no more near the remarkable man who had pronounced a judgment upon the
adventures of his soul on this earth. The voice was gone. What else had been
there? But I am of course aware that next day the pilgrims buried something in
a muddy hole.
"And then they
very nearly buried me.
"However, as you
see, I did not go to join Kurtz there and then. I did not. I remained to dream
the nightmare out to the end, and to show my loyalty to Kurtz once more.
Destiny. My destiny! Droll thing life is -- that mysterious arrangement of
merciless logic for a futile purpose. The most you can hope from it is some
knowledge of yourself -- that comes too late -- a crop of unextinguishable
regrets. I have wrestled with death. It is the most unexciting contest you can
imagine. It takes place in an impalpable greyness, with nothing underfoot, with
nothing around, without spectators, without clamour, without glory, without the
great desire of victory, without the great fear of defeat, in a sickly
atmosphere of tepid scepticism, without much belief in your own right, and
still less in that of your adversary. If such is the form of ultimate wisdom,
then life is a greater riddle than some of us think it to be. I was within a
hair's breadth of the last opportunity for pronouncement, and I found with
humiliation that probably I would have nothing to say. This is the reason why I
affirm that Kurtz was a remarkable man. He had something to say. He said it.
Since I had peeped over the edge myself, I understand better the meaning of his
stare, that could not see the flame of the candle, but was wide enough to embrace
the whole universe, piercing enough to penetrate all the hearts that beat in
the darkness. He had summed up -- he had judged. 'The horror!' He was a
remarkable man. After all, this was the expression of some sort of belief; it
had candour, it had conviction, it had a vibrating note of revolt in its
whisper, it had the appalling face of a glimpsed truth -- the strange
commingling of desire and hate. And it is not my own extremity I remember best
-- a vision of greyness without form filled with physical pain, and a careless
contempt for the evanescence of all things -- even of this pain itself. No! It
is his extremity that I seem to have lived through. True, he had made that last
stride, he had stepped over the edge, while I had been permitted to draw back
my hesitating foot. And perhaps in this is the whole difference; perhaps all
the wisdom, and all truth, and all sincerity, are just compressed into that
inappreciable moment of time in which we step over the threshold of the
invisible. Perhaps! I like to think my summing-up would not have been a word of
careless contempt. Better his cry -- much better. It was an affirmation, a
moral victory paid for by innumerable defeats, by abominable terrors, by
abominable satisfactions. But it was a victory! That is why I have remained
loyal to Kurtz to the last, and even beyond, when a long time after I heard
once more, not his own voice, but the echo of his magnificent eloquence thrown
to me from a soul as translucently pure as a cliff of crystal.
"No, they did not
bury me, though there is a period of time which I remember mistily, with a
shuddering wonder, like a passage through some inconceivable world that had no
hope in it and no desire. I found myself back in the sepulchral city resenting
the sight of people hurrying through the streets to filch a little money from
each other, to devour their infamous cookery, to gulp their unwholesome beer,
to dream their insignificant and silly dreams. They trespassed upon my
thoughts. They were intruders whose knowledge of life was to me an irritating
pretence, because I felt so sure they could not possibly know the things I
knew. Their bearing, which was simply the bearing of commonplace individuals
going about their business in the assurance of perfect safety, was offensive to
me like the outrageous flauntings of folly in the face of a danger it is unable
to comprehend. I had no particular desire to enlighten them, but I had some
difficulty in restraining myself from laughing in their faces so full of stupid
importance. I daresay I was not very well at that time. I tottered about the
streets -- there were various affairs to settle -- grinning bitterly at
perfectly respectable persons. I admit my behaviour was inexcusable, but then
my temperature was seldom normal in these days. My dear aunt's endeavours to
'nurse up my strength' seemed altogether beside the mark. It was not my
strength that wanted nursing, it was my imagination that wanted soothing. I
kept the bundle of papers given me by Kurtz, not knowing exactly what to do
with it. His mother had died lately, watched over, as I was told, by his
Intended. A clean-shaved man, with an official manner and wearing gold-rimmed
spectacles, called on me one day and made inquiries, at first circuitous,
afterwards suavely pressing, about what he was pleased to denominate certain
'documents.' I was not surprised, because I had had two rows with the manager
on the subject out there. I had refused to give up the smallest scrap out of
that package, and I took the same attitude with the spectacled man. He became
darkly menacing at last, and with much heat argued that the Company had the
right to every bit of information about its 'territories.' And said he, 'Mr.
Kurtz's knowledge of unexplored regions must have been necessarily extensive and
peculiar -- owing to his great abilities and to the deplorable circumstances in
which he had been placed: therefore -- ' I assured him Mr. Kurtz's knowledge,
however extensive, did not bear upon the problems of commerce or
administration. He invoked then the name of science. 'It would be an
incalculable loss if,' etc., etc. I offered him the report on the 'Suppression
of Savage Customs,' with the postscriptum torn off. He took it up eagerly, but
ended by sniffing at it with an air of contempt. 'This is not what we had a
right to expect,' he remarked. 'Expect nothing else,' I said. 'There are only
private letters.' He withdrew upon some threat of legal proceedings, and I saw
him no more; but another fellow, calling himself Kurtz's cousin, appeared two
days later, and was anxious to hear all the details about his dear relative's
last moments. Incidentally he gave me to understand that Kurtz had been
essentially a great musician. 'There was the making of an immense success,'
said the man, who was an organist, I believe, with lank grey hair flowing over
a greasy coat-collar. I had no reason to doubt his statement; and to this day I
am unable to say what was Kurtz's profession, whether he ever had any -- which
was the greatest of his talents. I had taken him for a painter who wrote for
the papers, or else for a journalist who could paint -- but even the cousin
(who took snuff during the interview) could not tell me what he had been --
exactly. He was a universal genius -- on that point I agreed with the old chap,
who thereupon blew his nose noisily into a large cotton handkerchief and
withdrew in senile agitation, bearing off some family letters and memoranda
without importance. Ultimately a journalist anxious to know something of the
fate of his 'dear colleague' turned up. This visitor informed me Kurtz's proper
sphere ought to have been politics 'on the popular side.' He had furry straight
eyebrows, bristly hair cropped short, an eyeglass on a broad ribbon, and,
becoming expansive, confessed his opinion that Kurtz really couldn't write a
bit -- 'but heavens! how that man could talk. He electrified large meetings. He
had faith -- don't you see? -- he had the faith. He could get himself to
believe anything -- anything. He would have been a splendid leader of an extreme
party.' 'What party?' I asked. 'Any party,' answered the other. 'He was an --
an -- extremist.' Did I not think so? I assented. Did I know, he asked, with a
sudden flash of curiosity, 'what it was that had induced him to go out there?'
'Yes,' said I, and forthwith handed him the famous Report for publication, if
he thought fit. He glanced through it hurriedly, mumbling all the time, judged
'it would do,' and took himself off with this plunder.
"Thus I was left
at last with a slim packet of letters and the girl's portrait. She struck me as
beautiful -- I mean she had a beautiful expression. I know that the sunlight
can be made to lie, too, yet one felt that no manipulation of light and pose
could have conveyed the delicate shade of truthfulness upon those features. She
seemed ready to listen without mental reservation, without suspicion, without a
thought for herself. I concluded I would go and give her back her portrait and
those letters myself. Curiosity? Yes; and also some other feeling perhaps. All
that had been Kurtz's had passed out of my hands: his soul, his body, his
station, his plans, his ivory, his career. There remained only his memory and
his Intended -- and I wanted to give that up, too, to the past, in a way -- to
surrender personally all that remained of him with me to that oblivion which is
the last word of our common fate. I don't defend myself. I had no clear
perception of what it was I really wanted. Perhaps it was an impulse of
unconscious loyalty, or the fulfilment of one of those ironic necessities that
lurk in the facts of human existence. I don't know. I can't tell. But I went.
"I thought his
memory was like the other memories of the dead that accumulate in every man's
life -- a vague impress on the brain of shadows that had fallen on it in their
swift and final passage; but before the high and ponderous door, between the
tall houses of a street as still and decorous as a well-kept alley in a
cemetery, I had a vision of him on the stretcher, opening his mouth
voraciously, as if to devour all the earth with all its mankind. He lived then
before me; he lived as much as he had ever lived -- a shadow insatiable of
splendid appearances, of frightful realities; a shadow darker than the shadow
of the night, and draped nobly in the folds of a gorgeous eloquence. The vision
seemed to enter the house with me -- the stretcher, the phantom-bearers, the
wild crowd of obedient worshippers, the gloom of the forests, the glitter of
the reach between the murky bends, the beat of the drum, regular and muffled
like the beating of a heart -- the heart of a conquering darkness. It was a
moment of triumph for the wilderness, an invading and vengeful rush which, it
seemed to me, I would have to keep back alone for the salvation of another
soul. And the memory of what I had heard him say afar there, with the horned
shapes stirring at my back, in the glow of fires, within the patient woods,
those broken phrases came back to me, were heard again in their ominous and
terrifying simplicity. I remembered his abject pleading, his abject threats,
the colossal scale of his vile desires, the meanness, the torment, the
tempestuous anguish of his soul. And later on I seemed to see his collected
languid manner, when he said one day, 'This lot of ivory now is really mine. The
Company did not pay for it. I collected it myself at a very great personal
risk. I am afraid they will try to claim it as theirs though. H'm. It is a
difficult case. What do you think I ought to do -- resist? Eh? I want no more
than justice.' . . . He wanted no more than justice -- no more than justice. I
rang the bell before a mahogany door on the first floor, and while I waited he
seemed to stare at me out of the glassy panel -- stare with that wide and
immense stare embracing, condemning, loathing all the universe. I seemed to
hear the whispered cry, "The horror! The horror!"
"The dusk was
falling. I had to wait in a lofty drawing- room with three long windows from
floor to ceiling that were like three luminous and bedraped columns. The bent
gilt legs and backs of the furniture shone in indistinct curves. The tall
marble fireplace had a cold and monumental whiteness. A grand piano stood
massively in a corner; with dark gleams on the flat surfaces like a sombre and
polished sarcophagus. A high door opened -- closed. I rose.
"She came forward,
all in black, with a pale head, floating towards me in the dusk. She was in
mourning. It was more than a year since his death, more than a year since the
news came; she seemed as though she would remember and mourn forever. She took
both my hands in hers and murmured, 'I had heard you were coming.' I noticed
she was not very young -- I mean not girlish. She had a mature capacity for
fidelity, for belief, for suffering. The room seemed to have grown darker, as if
all the sad light of the cloudy evening had taken refuge on her forehead. This
fair hair, this pale visage, this pure brow, seemed surrounded by an ashy halo
from which the dark eyes looked out at me. Their glance was guileless,
profound, confident, and trustful. She carried her sorrowful head as though she
were proud of that sorrow, as though she would say, 'I -- I alone know how to
mourn for him as he deserves.' But while we were still shaking hands, such a
look of awful desolation came upon her face that I perceived she was one of
those creatures that are not the playthings of Time. For her he had died only
yesterday. And, by Jove! the impression was so powerful that for me, too, he
seemed to have died only yesterday -- nay, this very minute. I saw her and him
in the same instant of time -- his death and her sorrow -- I saw her sorrow in
the very moment of his death. Do you understand? I saw them together -- I heard
them together. She had said, with a deep catch of the breath, 'I have survived'
while my strained ears seemed to hear distinctly, mingled with her tone of
despairing regret, the summing up whisper of his eternal condemnation. I asked
myself what I was doing there, with a sensation of panic in my heart as though
I had blundered into a place of cruel and absurd mysteries not fit for a human
being to behold. She motioned me to a chair. We sat down. I laid the packet
gently on the little table, and she put her hand over it. . . . 'You knew him
well,' she murmured, after a moment of mourning silence.
"'Intimacy grows
quickly out there,' I said. 'I knew him as well as it is possible for one man
to know another.'
"'And you admired
him,' she said. 'It was impossible to know him and not to admire him. Was it?'
"'He was a
remarkable man,' I said, unsteadily. Then before the appealing fixity of her
gaze, that seemed to watch for more words on my lips, I went on, 'It was
impossible not to -- '
"'Love him,' she
finished eagerly, silencing me into an appalled dumbness. 'How true! how true!
But when you think that no one knew him so well as I! I had all his noble
confidence. I knew him best.'
"'You knew him
best,' I repeated. And perhaps she did. But with every word spoken the room was
growing darker, and only her forehead, smooth and white, remained illumined by
the inextinguishable light of belief and love.
"'You were his
friend,' she went on. 'His friend,' she repeated, a little louder. 'You must
have been, if he had given you this, and sent you to me. I feel I can speak to
you -- and oh! I must speak. I want you -- you who have heard his last words --
to know I have been worthy of him. . . . It is not pride. . . . Yes! I am proud
to know I understood him better than any one on earth -- he told me so himself.
And since his mother died I have had no one -- no one -- to -- to -- '
"I listened. The
darkness deepened. I was not even sure whether he had given me the right
bundle. I rather suspect he wanted me to take care of another batch of his
papers which, after his death, I saw the manager examining under the lamp. And
the girl talked, easing her pain in the certitude of my sympathy; she talked as
thirsty men drink. I had heard that her engagement with Kurtz had been
disapproved by her people. He wasn't rich enough or something. And indeed I
don't know whether he had not been a pauper all his life. He had given me some
reason to infer that it was his impatience of comparative poverty that drove
him out there.
"'. . . Who was
not his friend who had heard him speak once?' she was saying. 'He drew men
towards him by what was best in them.' She looked at me with intensity. 'It is
the gift of the great,' she went on, and the sound of her low voice seemed to
have the accompaniment of all the other sounds, full of mystery, desolation, and
sorrow, I had ever heard -- the ripple of the river, the soughing of the trees
swayed by the wind, the murmurs of the crowds, the faint ring of
incomprehensible words cried from afar, the whisper of a voice speaking from
beyond the threshold of an eternal darkness. 'But you have heard him! You
know!' she cried.
"'Yes, I know,' I
said with something like despair in my heart, but bowing my head before the
faith that was in her, before that great and saving illusion that shone with an
unearthly glow in the darkness, in the triumphant darkness from which I could
not have defended her -- from which I could not even defend myself.
"'What a loss to
me -- to us!' -- she corrected herself with beautiful generosity; then added in
a murmur, 'To the world.' By the last gleams of twilight I could see the
glitter of her eyes, full of tears -- of tears that would not fall.
"'I have been very
happy -- very fortunate -- very proud,' she went on. 'Too fortunate. Too happy
for a little while. And now I am unhappy for -- for life.'
"She stood up; her
fair hair seemed to catch all the remaining light in a glimmer of gold. I rose,
too.
"'And of all
this,' she went on mournfully, 'of all his promise, and of all his greatness,
of his generous mind, of his noble heart, nothing remains -- nothing but a
memory. You and I -- '
"'We shall always
remember him,' I said hastily.
"'No!' she cried.
'It is impossible that all this should be lost -- that such a life should be
sacrificed to leave nothing -- but sorrow. You know what vast plans he had. I
knew of them, too -- I could not perhaps understand -- but others knew of them.
Something must remain. His words, at least, have not died.'
"'His words will
remain,' I said.
"'And his
example,' she whispered to herself. 'Men looked up to him -- his goodness shone
in every act. His example -- '
"'True,' I said;
'his example, too. Yes, his example. I forgot that.'
"But I do not. I
cannot -- I cannot believe -- not yet. I cannot believe that I shall never see
him again, that no- body will see him again, never, never, never.'
"She put out her
arms as if after a retreating figure, stretching them back and with clasped
pale hands across the fading and narrow sheen of the window. Never see him! I
saw him clearly enough then. I shall see this eloquent phantom as long as I
live, and I shall see her, too, a tragic and familiar Shade, resembling in this
gesture another one, tragic also, and bedecked with powerless charms,
stretching bare brown arms over the glitter of the infernal stream, the stream
of darkness. She said suddenly very low, 'He died as he lived.'
"'His end,' said
I, with dull anger stirring in me, 'was in every way worthy of his life.'
"'And I was not
with him,' she murmured. My anger subsided before a feeling of infinite pity.
"'Everything that
could be done -- ' I mumbled.
"'Ah, but I
believed in him more than any one on earth -- more than his own mother, more
than -- himself. He needed me! Me! I would have treasured every sigh, every
word, every sign, every glance.'
"I felt like a
chill grip on my chest. 'Don't,' I said, in a muffled voice.
"'Forgive me. I --
I have mourned so long in silence -- in silence. . . . You were with him -- to
the last? I think of his loneliness. Nobody near to understand him as I would
have understood. Perhaps no one to hear. . . .'
"'To the very
end,' I said, shakily. 'I heard his very last words. . . .' I stopped in a
fright.
"'Repeat them,'
she murmured in a heart-broken tone. 'I want -- I want -- something --
something -- to -- to live with.'
"I was on the
point of crying at her, 'Don't you hear them?' The dusk was repeating them in a
persistent whisper all around us, in a whisper that seemed to swell menacingly
like the first whisper of a rising wind. 'The horror! The horror!'
"'His last word --
to live with,' she insisted. 'Don't you understand I loved him -- I loved him
-- I loved him!'
"I pulled myself
together and spoke slowly.
"'The last word he
pronounced was -- your name.'
"I heard a light
sigh and then my heart stood still, stopped dead short by an exulting and
terrible cry, by the cry of inconceivable triumph and of unspeakable pain. 'I
knew it -- I was sure!' . . . She knew. She was sure. I heard her weeping; she
had hidden her face in her hands. It seemed to me that the house would collapse
before I could escape, that the heavens would fall upon my head. But nothing
happened. The heavens do not fall for such a trifle. Would they have fallen, I
wonder, if I had rendered Kurtz that justice which was his due? Hadn't he said
he wanted only justice? But I couldn't. I could not tell her. It would have
been too dark -- too dark altogether. . . ."
Marlow ceased, and sat
apart, indistinct and silent, in the pose of a meditating Buddha. Nobody moved
for a time. "We have lost the first of the ebb," said the Director
suddenly. I raised my head. The offing was barred by a black bank of clouds,
and the tranquil waterway leading to the uttermost ends of the earth flowed
sombre under an overcast sky -- seemed to lead into the heart of an immense
darkness.