
"You know you're a deadhead when..."  ver. 1.1


1. You spend more money on blank tapes than you do on rent.

2. None of your tapes have names on them, just dates.

3. You recognize "DOSESBUDSHROOMZX" as both a statement and a question.

4. You furnished your entire apartment with the "Free Funky Stuff" from Sony
   or Maxell tape offers.

5. You prefix every noun with "Kind", or "Ice cold".

6. You spend more money at the post office than at the gas station.

7. You still have the parking tag from NYE 1976 hanging from your rear view
   mirror.

8. On forms you list your occupation as "?".

9. GDTRFB, SSDD, BIODTL, FOTD, SOTM, LTGTR, NFA, and WALSTIB all mean something
   to you.

10. At any given moment you can compute how many days, hours, minutes, and
    seconds it's been since ALLIGATOR has been played.

11. Someone asks you what you do for fun, and you just smile real wide.

12. The first entry on your MCI Friend's and Family list is 415-457-6388.

13. You got #12.

14. Your car windows look like stained glass from being covered colored
    stickers.

15. You think $1 for a grilled cheese sandwich is pretty damn cheap.

16. You've figured out the correlation between the date and the # of beats to
    start BIODTL.

17. You're bosss notices members of you're family only become deathly ill
    when there happens to be a dead show within a 1000 mile radius.

18. You know how "the song" goes...

19. The bus came by, and you got on.

20. Whenever you walk through a parking lot you instinctively hold your right
    index finger in the air.

21. The compass in your car is calibrated so that it always points to the
    Oakland Coliseum.

22. You can install a new cylinder head on a '68 VW microbus with your eyes
    closed.

23. You have more tie-dyes than neck-ties.

24. You find it amazing that some people fill balloons with AIR.

25. You try to convince your grandmother Aoxomoxoa is an accpetable play for a
    Scrabble triple word score.

26. Your dog is named Bertha.

27. Your KID is named Althea.

28. You spend New Year's Eve with your cassette deck instead of your wife.

29. You're license plate spells "HEY NOW".

30. You've learned to DUCK.

31. You wonder if Dupree's Diamond News is going to have a swimsuit issue this
year.(WARNING: Thinking about this one may ruin you're appetite.)

32. Your stock portfolio includes 50 shares of the HANES BLACK T-Shirt division

33. You consider a "Miracle" to be a ticket to tonights show.

34. You can't leave the house without wondering where the tickets are.

35. Left unoccupied your hand instinctively taps the beat to Not Fade Away.

36. You actually are in search of the Eternal Buzz.

37. You're still waiting for that second verse of the Dark Star that they
started back in May of '73.

38. You swear the guy walking by you at the football game just said "doses."

41. There are 10 people still shacking up at your house from the summer 1990
tour, and you don't know any of them.

42. You consider veggie burritos gourmet.

43. You know the words to Truckin' better than Bob. (OK, I guess this doesn't
necessarily mean your a deadHEAD...)

44. You can remember an Other One that wasn't followed by Wharf Rat, or a
Throwing Stones that wasn't followed by Not Fade Away.

45. You try to claim gas to and from Dead shows as an income tax deduction.

46. You know the Zip code for San Rafael, CA by heart.

47. You have the postal rates memorized.

48. Your copy of Deadbase has long since broken out of it's binding and the ink
is beginning to wear off the pages.

49. You spend all morning looking for this killer Playin' Jam that you think is
on this tape from '72, probably the fillmore, and you know it's a Maxell
with the label on upside down, but it doesn't have a case, and you know the
tape starts with Sugaree but the last time you think you saw it was in '83
and it was under your friend Brian's refrigerator, or maybe it was just a
filler on that Alpine Valley '89 show, which you think you probably
listened to in that dude's bus on the way to Deer Creek this year, but his
phone number is on the back of the ticket stub that you think is stuffed in
your Soundboard copy of 7/8/78 set II, and you have NO idea where that is,
so you pull out Deadbase and start looking for every show since '71 that
even had a Playin' but by '77 or so you forgot what you were looking for
because you got wrapped up in the Nice version of He's Gone where Mickey
starts playing the beam with dead cat, etc. etc.  (If this sounds like
something that happens to you every day, you know you're a deadhead.)

50. You're beginning to wonder if Bob's ever going to retire that Tamalpais
Chiefs shirt.

51. Lately, It occurs to you just exactly What A Long Strange Trip It Has Been.


*** You know you're a NETHEAD when... ****

1.  You have over 50000 lines of Email received by your account every month.

2.  You're up at 3:20 am writing some stupid "Know you're a deadhead when..."
list instead of studying for finals.

3.  Your Windows 3.0 background is a picture of Jerry Garcia, your cursor is
is a Steal Your Face skull, and sometimes you swear it's leaving "trails".
note: 3.1 users, the mouse may actually leave trails...

4.  The mainframe sysop wants to know how the 400 page file entitled "Lyrics to
300 Grateful Dead Songs" that you sent to the new laser printer relates to
the CS 465 project you've been working on.

5.  You still wonder what the lyrics to The Night They Drove Ole Dixed Down are

6.  You consider ;-) a new form of punctuation.

7.  You sign up for the 12/31/90 tree and offer to make 2500 copies, and then
completely forget your on it.


8.  You're still waiting for the 9/26/91 tapes.

9.  Your .sig file is a full size rendition of the Blues for Allah Cover, as
well as your name, address, 14 different paths to reach your account, your
shoe size, and all the lyrics from Working Man's Dead in quotation.  Oh
yeah, and a 15 page notarized legal disclaimer.

10. You remember the Porsche guy.

11. Your post for lyrics to Sugar Magnolia starts up the yearly 200000 line
sexism flames war.

12. You actually know where to find the FAQ, and what it is.

13. Your terminal program runs on startup and automatically logs you in,
strips the excess info out of dead-flames, scrolls it by like a teletype,
and automatically sends copies of your list to 200 of your trading friends.

14. An alarm goes off on your PC when it's time to tape the Grateful Dead Hour.

15. Your email address is something like:
China-Rider@Shakedown_Street.FillmoreWest.GDTRFB.FatmanRocks.OnTour.lsd

16. Right now your arm is resting on a two foot stack of scratch paper with the
names of everybody on every tree your on, 113 miscellaneous trades, the
location and file names of ALL of the 10/31/91 digitized into .au files,
every summer tour date that's ever been rumored, ticket master numbers to
all fifty states (on no less than 80 sheets of paper of course), the



